Happy New Year

Dont you think we've all been robbed? I mean... seriously, seriously, seriously robbed!!

It's going to be 2008 in a few hours and look around; It's nothing like what they had showed us. I loved all those space movies and TV shows. All of them were set in the year 2000-something and we had all kinds of gadgets, robots doing chores, flying cars etc... We were promised all that. They had made us dream of that world.

We even had machine versus human wars!! I mean can you beat that?? We're just about lucky if all our really pathetically primary instruments get through the day without a glitch. I'm really disappointed with the whole way in which this 21st century has come off so far. Not even one thing's been upto the mark. Lets forget about time travel, journey at the speed of light, light sabres and things like that. We haven't even got those video units available at public phones a la Total Recall.

We get all excited because NASA found some bacterial excreta frozen in space and time some quad-zillion years ago. What happened to all those bad guys we were supposed to fight for the survival of earth?? We can't even reach the stupid Mars which according to me never had life and will never have life. Out of billions of planets in the universe what are the odds of two adjacent planets having life? This is Grade 8 probability!! So my hopes to meet aliens too have been dashed...

But I had some issues with the fashion industry of the future. I mean what happens between the 70s-80s and 2000-something that everyone seems to be wearing those tight gray suits with a colored 'V' depending on your position in society. Probably the fashion designers were all killed by an irritated robot or something but what happened to all the clothes which normal people wear? That was the only thing, I dreaded about the future.

The Starship Enterprise was my ideal living room. You know what I mean? Big chair, nice screen, remote control.. that's why Star Trek really was the ultimate fantasy. Just hurling through space in your living room, watching TV. That's why all the aliens were always dropping in, because they were the only one that had a big screen. Friday night game... gotta be there!!

So that is what I'm wishing for, like every year, this new year's. I want all those sci-fi stuff we'd been shown to come into existence and quick!

Happy New Year to you all...
Cheers!

I believe I can fly...

So I'm on a plane, we left late. Pilot says we're going to be making up sometime in the air. I thought, well isn't that interesting. We'll just make up time. That's why you have to reset your watch when you land. Of course, when they say they're making up time, obviously they're increasing the speed of the aircraft. Now, my question is if you can go faster, why don't you just go as fast as you can all the time? C'mon, there's no cops up here, nail it. Give it some gas! We're flying!

The reason why my flight was delayed was that they were not able to shut the door of the aircraft. Well... that sounds like some pretty serious screw-up, especially if you consider the same aircraft had landed from another destination 10 mins back and was there for less than half an hour halt! What happened in those 10 mins? A door which was perfectly okay to stand the test at 31000 feet now seems to have failed at ground level! Interesting...

I wonder if there are keys to the plane? Do they need keys to start the plane? Maybe that's what those delays on the ground are sometimes. When you're just sitting there at the gate, maybe the pilot's just up there in the cockpit going "Oh, I don't believe this. Oh my god... I did it again." They tell you it's something mechanical, because they don't want to come on the PA system, "Ladies and gentlemen, we're going to be delayed here on the ground for a little while, I uh...Oh God, this is so embarrassing...I - I left the keys to the plane in my apartment." You see the technicians all running underneath the plane; you think they're servicing it, but they're actually looking for the magnet "hide-a-key" under the wing..."maybe he left it up there somewhere..."

Do you think that the people at the airport that run the stores have any idea what the prices are every place else in the world? Or do you think they just feel they have their own little country out there and they can charge anything they want? Now because of the "you-cant-carry-liquids" rule almost everyone is forced to buy water or water equivalent after the security check. The price of water makes feeling thirsty was a crime! You don't like it; go back to your own country. I think the whole airport airline complex is a huge scam just to sell the bottled water. I think that profit is what's supporting the whole air travel industry. I mean think about it; the terminals,the airplanes, it's all just a distraction so that you don't notice the beating that you're taking on the bottled water.

The seat which I got on the flight was, not unexpectedly, next to a guy who most definitely had a fish hook caught in his throat. For a solid 2 hours, he kept making that hauwking sound that you normally associate with the act of chucking up a big loogie, but - and here's the mystery - that's as far as he went.I can only pray that he was coming up dry, because the alternative is not something I wish to contemplate. The other wonderful thing about this flight was the 60-year old steward who somehow managed to be extremely chipper and upbeat at 4:30am. I wanted to kill him. He was clearly at the very pinnacle of a 2-case Red Bull bender. He was cracking extremely corny jokes to an audience of stone-faced killers (i.e., us).

He didn't understand that the reason nobody laughed is because
(a) he wasn't very funny,
(b) Hello? It was 4:30 am, and
(c) everyone on board was trying to figure out a way to shove his cheerful, shiny little head out one of those little round windows without depressurizing the cabin.

Here's an example: "As long as we're moving on the ground, you'll want to keep your seat belts fastened. While the guys up front are excellent pilots, I'm not sure how good they are at driving." "If you do leave something on the plane that is extremely valuable, don't worry. I'll turn it in for you. You can pick it up at Rico's Pawn shop, on the corner of West Avenue and Madison." You almost expected him to say, "Thank you. Thank you very much. I'm here all week, folks. Don't forget to tip your waitresses."

He made my bone marrow hurt. Perhaps it would have been mildy amusing if I had been wide awake and in a good mood, but when you're working on 4 hours sleep, no coffee and no breakfast it gets old really, really fast. Also keep in mind that I gave you his BEST material.

This was not exactly the end I was hoping for one of the best outings I had for a really long time but then I did need something to get me back to reality! Sigh... The vacation's over...

Cheers!

Bulk Purchase

In a Pani-Puri manufacturing facility which also had a retail outlet.

Lady: What is the cost of Pani Puris?
Seller: $5 per bag of 50 Puris.
Lady: What if I buy in bulk?
Seller: The rate stays the same.
Lady: What if I buy 100 Puris.
Seller: We'll give you two bags.
Lady: I'll need to make a call in that case.

Comments:
This may be a "you-have-to-be-there-to-understand" type of humour. So some of you wont find this that amusing.

Those who were fortunate enough to witness this incident were in splits with the stone faced reply the seller gave to the 100-Puri query. First of all 100 is not bulk for someone whose a manufacturer-retailer. But the effectiveness of the answer could be seen at the way the woman was stunned at that reply.

And I'm not sure why she had to tell the seller that she had to make a call. I understand she wanted some sort of a "go-ahead" from someone who had asked her to get the Puris, if they were above a certain limit. But she made it sound like a threat! Something like... Now you're going to be in trouble!!

Our purchase was done and had to leave the scene, but I would've loved to see the end of this conversation!

Cheers!

Coffee Break!

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A conversation between my friend, X and Me.

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Me: Probably it would be better if you try Starbucks next time!
X: May be I will... That is a good place! I've always had this soft corner for them. But that's not the point... This is unacceptable. What would you have done in such a situation?
Me: Do you even understand the situation? It would've been easy to accept the final outcome with any other, any god damn reasoning but this beats me. I'm speechless... You know what, may be that was just a code of some sort. Inspired by some spy story. They say activity A but it really means performing activity B.

X: I don't think there's much of a code left once you've said activity A and performed it as well... We did have a little bit of activity B but then this overshadows everything!
Me: Well... Happens! Want some coffee?

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15 minutes earlier
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Me: What's wrong? You're looking awful!
X: Ah! forget it... Nothing great.
Me: I don't think so... What happened?
X: It's complicated.
Me: That's even better, man! I would love to hear it then.

X: Give me something to eat... I need a change of taste!! My taste buds have been tortured to death some time back...

Me: Ah!

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15 minutes earlier
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X: I don't think we should see each other any more.

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15 minutes earlier
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Y: You want coffee? I'll make it!
X: Sure! You know where the kitchen is?

Coffee arrives & X takes the first sip.

X: (Thinking) Yikes!! What the hell is this??!! This is the the the worst coffee of all time. This is just coffee beans and boiling water. May be I should ask if she mixed up the recipes for an Ayurvedic cough syrup & coffee. I can drink the worst tasting drinks in this world but today we've a new and undisputed champion! Oh boy! Are we in trouble now... I wish she goes some out of the room, I can just pour this somewhere. I cannot be with a girl who makes this bad coffee. I'll probably be found dead some day and the cause of death would be caffeine poisoning... No chance of drinking this coffee again!

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A true story!

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Cheers!

A Lazy Day

When there's a snow blizzard outside there are only a few things that you can do staying indoors. Talk/chat with friends, play something indoors, watch television. I did all that this weekend.

Out of those, Television is something that really completes life. The bad thing about television is that everybody you see on television is doing something better than what you're doing. Did you ever see anybody on TV like just sliding off the front of the sofa with potato chip crumbs on their face?

There are some really irritating things on television, Commercials for example. Not as a concept but the way they're put forth and the plastic people that exist in it. I mean where do you find these samples from?

Infact, some people have a little too much fun in commercials: the soft drinks people - where do they summon this enthusiasm? Have you seen them? "We have pepsi, we have coke, we have blah blah boo", jumping, laughing, flying through the air - it's just a can of stupid soft drink. It's just carbon di oxide pumped into colored, flavored liquid. Again I'm not against soft drinks but the commercials hurt!

Have you ever been standing and you're watching TV and you're drinking the exact same product that they're advertising right there on TV, and it's like, you know, they're spiking volleyballs, jetskiing, girls in bikinis and I'm standing here - "Maybe I'm putting too much ice in mine."

The only thing that actually makes watching television worthwhile is this thing called the La-Z-Boy. This is very flattering to the prospective customer, isn't it? Why don't we just call it the 'half-conscious deadbeat with no job, home all day, eating Cheetos and watching TV' recliner? It goes back so far, that thing...I mean, it's like, 'Go to bed already! Whatever you were watching is over!

Cheers!

Garbage!

One of my hobbies is clearing trash. It's something that I really really love to do. Getting my hands dirty... that's a manly thing to do, isn't it? So even though we take turns to take the trash out, I'm eager to do it every time. Why wait for my turn!

I honestly believe that any average house is a trashification centre.

We get stuff into the house. It's gets processed in one form or the other and then converted to trash. That is the main function of a house - to create garbage. During discount season or clearance sale a lot of items are brought into the house which on hindsight are nothing more than some more additions to direct processed trash! So then starts the process of demotion of these objects. They're put in cupboards and store rooms. Then some day it falls and lands up on the floor, then it's used an elevation device to step on so as to keep a new piece of trash in the store room, which is just beginning it's journey to junk.

Think about it... All that you own, all that you buy, all that you wish to get into your house is actually exists just a part of parade of garbage to the trash can. Everything you own as you're reading this is nothing more than pre-garbage. I mean... Look around how much pre-garbage, garbage, nearly garbage, almost garbage, definitely garbage there exists!

The only thing in this world that can save these objects from landing up in trash is ebay. Ebay, ofcourse, is one of the most significant steps in our civilized society. It's strange how someone actually came up with the idea that lets start mailing garbage back and forth to each other. Isn't that innovative!

But in trying to accept these new forms of dealing with garbage, we're forgetting one of the oldest customs which I firmly stand for. Ancient Egyptians used to bury all the objects of the person with him when he dies. That is actually good according to me. The message there is loud and clear... You're not here any more... Just take your crap with you!

Cheers!

National Pride

Today I came met a Slovak cab driver who could speak Hindi...

He could say:

1. Namaashtey
2. Dhaaniyawaad
3. Aap khaishey ho?

Ironically my South Indian colleague didn't get a word of the courteous warmth the cab driver was trying to exude. But then again... that's 5 more words of Hindi than my colleague can understand!

So much for national pride...

The Tipping Point

It just wasn't possible to continue that way... The object of my obsession and me were meant to be together.

This attaraction has been going on for months actually but I upgraded the rating to "obsession" only a few days back. But then as expected there was that usual dilemma involved. Should I, Shouldn't I? It may not be as complex as a NP-complete problem. Though that was how it seemd to me and I'm pretty sure I was making a big deal out of it. That seems to me like the most likely explanation.

But after days of pondering over it and waiting for the hypothetical "right" moment, I decided to do something which would've given me much needed peace of mind days ago. But then better late than never.

It's actually just part of a cycle. Only when my obsession overcame my reason was I well and truly able to give in to what I really wanted to do. Once I had decided my path I was actually looking forward to it. I wouldn't have enjoyed it if I would've given in before this threshold limit.

That's precisely the tipping point!

And then it arrived yesterday, my very own Xbox 360...

Cheers!

Stumped!

1. I don't know what meat milk is.

2. I don't want to know what meat milk is.

3. Having "no hormones" really does not make it sound any more enticing.

4. I would have thought that anything containing a mixture of meat and milk would pretty much have to be organic, but apparently I know nothing. I guess up until now, people have been drinking inorganic meat milk with hormones added because they didn't know any better.

5. A well-placed ampersand would make this sign so much less disturbing.

Cheers!

The child in Tamil Nadu

I dont have a problem with what people eat and even lesser issues with the quantity as long as I'm not made to eat that food or my appetite isn't measured against that measure of food. I'm not a rice eater. It's not like a rule but generally I prefer skipping rice or having it in rationed quantity.

But inspite of that the other day my plate was full of rice way beyond my capacity! I was as excited with the prospects of having to eat that much rice as probably anyone looking down the wrong end of the barrel. But I did manage to eat it somehow...

However that wasn't enough. My rice loving flat mates got into the argument how I eat less for some reason. It was in fact commented that "a kid in Tamil Nadu ate more rice than you (me)!!"

Now... if at all the kids in Tamil Nadu are eating that much rice there's something really wrong here. No wonder there is food shortage in our country and the people in the North are probably forced to eat wheat and other grains. And no, I for one dont believe it was a hyperbole because I've seen adults in Tamil Nadu eat rice and it's well within the reach of a kid in Tamil Nadu to beat me in a rice eating competition!

Somehow I'm not sad to lose this one...

Cheers!

Time to get Smart!

I cant imagine to what lengths over-zealous marketers can go to sell their products. I was at the convenience store last weekend and I found myself in the deodorant, anti-perspirant, perfume section. I do understand the problem that these guys must be facing in trying to differentiate their product out of around 500-odd of the similar type. But some offences are inexcusable!

I saw this Adidas deo which had something rather blasphemous written on it which seriously seriously bemused me.

It said "Smart ™ Technology -- Developed with Athletes"

First of all, I'm not exactly sure the no-stink stick can be smart. From what I can tell, it really has very little in the way of intelligence. It can't even automatically roll itself up a little bit when one is scraping armpit skin off on its hard plastic sides. And to add to the misery they actually have trademarked the word "smart?" I don't think many companies would risk being so intelligent anyways!

The bigger problem, of course, is that if some scientists set off to develop "smart technology" I would think one of the last groups of people they would go to would be athletes. Granted, they're probably better off going to athletes instead of actors, umm.... musicians maybe. But still -- As a whole, athletes are not generally known for their scientific prowess.

How would that development actually happen? Isn't it too much to expect? I bet this smart™ thing must've not even been able to get a single school kid to try out their ground breaking technology without paying them. So you can imagine what must be the case with pro-footballers or basketball players!

Unless ofcourse they got chess players to test it out... But I cant imagine them having so much of a sweat trouble by sitting in air conditioned hotels and moving nothing more than their eyeballs and hands.

Anyways... I compared it to another, non-smart deodorant nearby, and there really doesn't seem to be much difference.

I think that one might be more crafty than smart. Just in case you find it unbelievable that Adidas may have done something as stupid as this then have a look here.

Cheers!

Calling Names

In the past few days I've been giving a lot of introductions. That's usually the case at the start of a new assignment. I'm so-n-so working on this-n-that... blah blah blah. It's now got to the point that I get dejavu of having a dejavu!

I can almost predict how it's gonna go. If it's someone from our part of the world the first name isn't so much of a problem. The last name... well... at times! I've got used to it but my problem is with people who have 10-14 alphabets in their own name making faces or trying to act like they've been given a tongue twister and breaking my last name into 3 distinct parts and making the worst possible pronounciation and looking rather coy about it all. I cannot even begin to break their name into parts. I would refrain in giving specific examples because I really dont know who would read this post and who wouldn't but I would like to get my point across!

I wanted someone to mail me something. I told him my mail id and as usual he screwed around with the pronounciation. I knew him by a rather short 6 lettered name which he was referred to by. I receive a mail which had two words, neither less than 14 alphabets. I for one second thought it was a spam! The callout name was no where in the first or last name. I didn't even know how the hell am I supposed to read it. And this was the idiot who was trying to act smart.

I decided to get even. I called up after an hour or so and told him that I hadn't received his mail yet and asked him to step on it! He said he had mailed me and said the name which I should look for... I put on a show of surprise at this revelation! Point made.

On the other hand, in the case of those who're unaware of names or pronounciations in our part of the world the entertainment starts from the first name itself. We never really reach the last name part of it. Some time during a meeting tasks were being assigned to some 'Gandalf'. On further clarification it was revealed that I was the famous LOTR magician now working on something even more mysterious!!

But I get a lot of sympathy from those wonderful people from Eastern european and ex-USSR countries. I mean you gotta give it to them. Their names are a group of 9 consonants and not more than 1 vowel. That's creditable! I seriously think someone should buy a couple of vowels and gift them. I cant imagine how tough things must be for them...

But now after the introductions this name calling has pretty much stopped and even I've switched to a callout name but atleast it's obvious where it came from!

Cheers!

Back to Blogging

Finally a post after a long time. It wasn't like I didn't have time to blog but more the case of I didn't feel like blogging. That's how the last month has been. It had everything from grief, shock to surprise and mad rush frenzy.

Without getting into the details since my privacy policy is quite clear... If you don't know... you don't need to ask! So really I just didn't feel like blogging in much the same vein as I usually do. I need a spcific state of mind to write! Ya... Too many hangups.

So this is just a post to declare... I would be blogging in much the same frequency as before & you can keep coming back to this blog with the hope of being entertained much as you were for the past 3 months or so...

Cheers!

The End of a Civilisation!

The kind of thing that fascinates me is the analysis of ancient settlements like our own Mohenjo Daro or the people who built Stonehenge. We tend to have a very myopic view of the life in those times with the basic assumption that since it happened in the past it was inferior to us on multiple counts. I do not subscribe by that however it brings perspective to humanity, somehow. No matter what slice of time we consider some things are all the same and strangely very temporary.

But then I also think how funny it would be if our civilization suddenly collapsed and people judged us by our remains. Rows and rows of metal boxes, inside of metal boxes. Here is where these humans sat in mobile chairs (why did they require wheeled sitting devices?) and viewed shiny frames that have been lashed down by wires and cords.

And assuming they have the technology to decipher our computer systems, surely the speculation will be the same as ours of Rome - these people died from debauchery. Their entire communications system, which they referred to as internet, was burdened with... Ahem! you know what. It's hard to imagine they found time for any other activities.

Oh how right those future archaeologists are/were/will be.

Cheers!

Pissed Off...

I'm just sick & tired of it.

Why can't we have dry urinals? A urinal filled with a pool of unmentionables is in the top slot of things I hate the most.

No matter what time of the day it is toilets just seems like a pool of urine!

Things get progressively worse as the day goes on. It starts out at 9am as a spray mist, turns into a small puddle by 10, then turns into a sticky puddle from noon on. After that, you could probably scrape it up with a putty knife. I simply refuse to stand in it any longer.

Is it asking for too much from the plumbers to ensure that the outlet taps are not leaky? Is it asking too much from architects who're as human to put adequate thought into their design so as to avoid having people to be standing in filth?

This is the state of toilets in offices, movie halls and places which actually either have an attendant or do undergo inspection atleast in principle. These are supposed to be clean. These are supposed to be places which in one form or the other actually spend considerable amount on the cleanliness of the toilets! I'm not even getting into the state of the toilets on express-way or similar.

Since my market research project during my MBA was Observing condition of Public Toilets in the City, I have become over observant when it comes to these things and have studied this topic in great depth. Thank you, Mr. Godbole! All this standing in pee, quite ironically, leaves me pissed off!

Last week, I went to this Chinese place -- All Stir Fry, for dinner. There I found something which I hadn't seen anytime before.

It was a pee pad. I didn't know the commercial name for those things but that was what I preferred to call it. I am not really used to going to upscale restaurants, that was the first time I had ever seen one of these. Normally, the types of establishments that I frequent if the bathroom has any sort of pee pad it's entirely coincidental and consists mainly of a pile of soggy paper towels and someone's vomit-stained sweatshirt. At first, I wondered to whom the cleaning duties fell, because that seemed like something I would like to see my worst enemy do. Yeah! Sounds fun...

Then, because I don't want to mislead you all, I did some research. It turns out that they are disposable and contain "inner super absorbent Trilex 20™ fibers to catch drips and splashes." I don't know what that is, but it sounds very scientifically valid. Supposedly, "Once the mat reaches its saturation level, you simply throw it away and replace with another." I am not sure I want to know exactly how "saturation level" is determined. I can only hope there is an alarm of some sort that warns someone that saturation level is fast approaching -- preferably someone who knows how to deal with such things.

Otherwise, your single, errant pee drip could be the one that breaks the camel's back and releases a urinary flood of epic proportions.

I know I wouldn't want that on my conscience. Or my shoes.

Cheers!

I wonder why...

I visited the neighbourhood ATM today evening. I find a receipt sticking out of the slot which spits out the withdrawal receipts. This was how it read like.. kind of.

WITHDRAWAL : Rs. 100

REMAINING BALANCE: Rs. 2,29,146

The withdrawal was made from a non-ICICI bank account. That was because the output print format was different from ICICI accounts.

Now what could the possible reasons be for someone who had 2.29L in his account to withdraw just 100 bucks and be in such tremendous rush that he couldn't wait or forgot to collect the receipt.

A very plausible explanation is that he fell short by a very short amount to pay someone who couldn't wait for long. That amount in my opinion would be much lesser than Rs. 100. And though the fact that he had 2.29L in his account had nothing to do how much he'll have in his wallet but it does tell us that he must be having a reasonable income to maintain this amount. It could be payment for the auto rickshaw fare or to a fruit/ vegetable vendor or someone who couldn't accept plastic money!

Another thing worth pondering is to why didn't he withdraw a higher amount which would take care of his future expenses too. For all I know all this could be just a show off thing. I mean just to make the next innocent withdrawer from the ATM wonder about it or leave him awestruck.

Extremely uniquely & very very strange.

Cheers!

Canine Attack!

Here's something you don't have happen to you every day.

I was driving home minding my own business a couple of days back, when the window to the car in front of me opens. Some sort of giant dog sticks his head out the window. I laugh, because the dog is monstrous. Like a Marmaduke kind of dog, except being a real dog he was much funnier than the one depicted in the comic strip. It keeps shaking it's head from left to right, I presume from staring at the lines on the road or the vehicles or something. Frankly, Who cares!

Everything is fine for a bit, and then I suddenly realize that my windshield is being pelted by something. Big gobs of something foamy and wet. This giant dog is foaming at the mouth, slobbering, whatever you want to call it -- and it is whipping backwards from the dog to my windshield. I couldn't believe my luck.

I made a split-second decision to turn on the wipers -- which, in retrospect, was the absolute worst thing I could have done. The wipers proceeded to smear dog lugie from one end of my windshield to another. And soon it turned into a piece of art across the windshield. It even dried out in the wind. It was a pretty site. To top it off, I was completely out of the windshield cleaning water. So I had to drive all the way home peering through dog lugie. Some of it was even on the bonnet & the side view mirror. Good times are here to stay!

Cheers!

You've gotta be kidding!

Like most of you I receive a lot of spam and really something should be done on the lines of the National Do Not Call Registry for telemarketers. Though I tend to ignore most spam but then there are some which scream out for your attention!

I received this unsolicited e-mail today. Since they saw fit to spam me, I see fit to ridicule them. This is a real certification, offered by a real IT security training company. They obviously did not consult with a PR firm or ad agency before coming up with their name for this certification. I am pretty sure that even if I had earned this cert I would not put it on my resume, unless I was looking for a job in the... entertainment industry!

Cheers!

Spider-Man... Me too!

A few days back in this post here I had blogged about the whole deal with this superhero business and in this post I had blogged about my favourite superhero, Spider-Man!

Now, I came across something here on the Discovery Channel website that has really got me all excited. Someone actually has done some research in designing the 'Spidey Suit' and though it's not possible to inculcate the superhuman qualities of the masked menace; It's definitely possible to have the suit made.

Ahem... I'm being tempted!

Cheers!

Destined to Fail

NCERT has recommended to ban the word 'fail' from school life. Read about it here.

As usual NCERT seems to be attempting to cure the symptoms rather than the problem. Instead of banning the use of the term ‘fail’ they should try and improve the overall conditions so that students don’t fall in that category. An improvement in the basic educational facilities for starters, better reach of the primary school system, improved syllabus, even something as primary as no spelling mistakes in text books can make a huge difference, improvement in the standard to teachers, improvement in the pay scales for teachers.

If students are not psychologically strong to handle the word ‘failure’ then they need some medical help because this isn’t the first or the last time they’re going to encounter it. The parents need to be educated to act as better support systems if need be. But banning this term is definitely not the solution to the problem they’re trying to address. The student instead of failing to clear his class would be repeating his class or would be proud that he's got an F grade!

An academically poor student will remain poor no matter what flowery terms NCERT uses. They’ve also suggested doing away with time limits for exams. Now through my experience of writing numerous exams from the time I was 4, I can confidently say that the time they allot for exams is enough to solve the paper if you know your stuff. If you don’t know what the hell the exam is all about then there’s really nothing that an added time can do. Extra time is only going to aid in copying and other examination malpractices which the NCERT has conveniently ignored over the years.

We, Indians anyways are not punctual. We don’t give much importance to deadlines, honour appointments but this would be legitimizing it in the worst way possible and inculcating that habit in the children right from the age of 10!

I completely understand giving extra time to students with physical disabilities or certain learning problems. That is the time they need to come at par with normal children. But children who do not study for exams deserve to do badly and deserve to fail.

Also, they’re planning to implement the ‘No Child Left Behind’ educational program like in the US. The US is having it’s fair share of problems with this program but that hasn’t stopped us from considering this path.

This is now an even hostile territory I’m entering. I just feel that in an attempt to ensure that all children pass we shouldn’t take down the national average. Instead of taking the benchmark lower in order to ensure that everyone passes how about raising them to the passing level? We have a good setup, which is making rest of the world play catch up but we need good implementation.

We do desperately need an improvement in the graduate and post graduate studies program but that can wait or atleast can afford to go on the slow track. But the basic educational facilities and primary schools program needs better implementation and reach.

We got more than enough of children in our country. We need intelligent Indians to drive the nation but going down this road we're destined to fail.

Cheers!

The Foodie

I went out for dinner the other day. A really sumptuous multi-course meal I might add. The bill arrived at the end of the dinner and it was as usual the hardest time for me. I believe they should bill us and collect the money as soon as we order, the McDonalds way. That way it's much more easier and willingly paid meal.

Till the time you're hungry and need to eat you're like George Bush hunting for Osama. I don't care about the price. I dont care if they over price me, if they cheat me. I just want maximum possible food in minimum possible time! That is quite clearly the attitude with which we're hunting down food.

We're so obsessed with food that one of the things that we hate is waiting for food. And the waiting time is directly proportional to how hungry you really are and inversely proportional to the time you have for lunch!
But once you're through with that assault it's an entirely new story altogether. You almost have an attack of selective amnesia and forget anything about ever being hungry. So if the guy in the table next to you orders something, you actually wonder how the hell can people eat so much!!

So... I-can-eat-a-human-alive to complete despise for any food in 20 mins flat!

You're full. No more space for even your favourite dish and are in a really great mood thanks to the food... and then comes the bill. Talk about anti-climax! Everyone is so flummoxed by this calamity that they actually start passing it around... unless ofcourse you're drunk which means there are quite a few guys desperate to show how gracious they are inspite of a complete absence of girls!

I had even come across some formula which was devised by some MIT graduate to predict the chances of an individual having to pay for food depending on the number people at the table and how to split up the bill in case everyone has had a different item on the menu of varying price ranges and some such stuff. This categorically proves that some people dont have much to do even at MIT and to lead a pointless, worthless existence has nothing to do with education!

Anyways... People do strange things when the food is free. Marriages, project parties, treats, etc etc... But the pinnacle of gluttony was achieved by one of my acquaintances who kept having meals every 2 hours on a flight journey half way across the world since his flight was hopping/ with stop overs. So he had something like 2 lunches, 3 dinners and other tit-bits during the course of his journey. Now that is improessive!

Cheers!

The Bridge of Faith

There are always two sides of any argument. It happens to me quite often that I do see a valid point in both sides of an argument. But then there are some arguments which are just in a class of their own. On listening to one side of the argument, I think to myself, now anything that the other side says can beat this ridiculous point. But then like on numerous other occasions I clearly underestimate human stupidity and the other side actually comes up with something that leaves me aghast and very much bemused!

The latest in line in the controversy over Ram's Setu. Well... if it doesn't interest you don't bother to read further.

My thoughts on the topic (Not in any particular order):

• It doesn't make such a big deal if we have to modify a structure created by anyone in the past (God included). If you're a believer then the whole world was created by God not just the bridge so we shouldn't be doing anything anywhere!
• Environmental factors have to given priority over convenience. I don't think it's a huge loss to the nation, which is losing a lot more in many other avoidable things, to circumnavigate Sri Lanka. It's not the same as the Panama Canal scenario with the US ships. Has a check been done from an environmental standpoint? Will it be worth 2500 crore?
• The bridge itself which was actually a walkable piece of land connecting the two countries as late as the 15th century should be preserved as far as possible. The reason is not that it's been built by Lord Ram but because it's quite clearly a wonder and the geographical formations in and around that area are unique. So the ocean canal should be constructed ensuring minimum possible modification.
• Why is the Indian government not considering some 6 other routes suggested for the canal? What is the adamant stand on the canal going through Ram's Setu all about? Is it now just a prestige issue?
• If the construction of the canal is okay from all points of view then the general public must be explained the facts, it's importance, precautions being taken etc etc...
• The people's faith in anything should not be questioned. Let it be God, existence of super human beings or even themselves. It's a question of faith and no one has the right to decide it for some other individual. It should not be subjected to an acid test. Why stop at Lord Ram then? There are such miracle figures in literature of every religion in the world. Should all of that be subjected to scientific evidence and proofs?
• It's wrong to term those who reacted on the govt's statement challenging the existence of Ram himself as Hindu Fundamentalists. It's a very natural reaction which would've been evoked from any believer of any religion. How about questioning the conception of Jesus to the Virgin Mary? In order to prove the modern mindset and all it's not necessary to criticize those who believe or have faith in God. No one is forcing it on anyone so if you dont believe it... Take a walk!
• I do believe that a rational, God believing, Hindu would understand the explanation furnished for the project but, quite naturally, cannot tolerate his faith being questioned/ ridiculed/ put to test. That is exactly the case at the moment but no one seems to putting any thought in approaching the problem with the right mindset.
• This is my version of Ramayan's occurence. I believe Ram did exist. He wasn't heralded as God during his times. He was just a great king who went thorugh the incidents depicted in the Ramayan. The story over the years became an epic and a lot of things may have been added into it like in a game of Chinese whispers. The existence of such a being is a very plausible possibility, as is the occurence of Mahabharat. Again, Krishna may not have been termed as God during his time but over the years these figures achieved the God-ly status.

Cheers!

And now it's official...

According to a recent research, in choosing a partner, beauty is the key ingredient for men while women, the much choosier of the sexes, leverage their looks for security and commitment. Surprise! Surprise!

It's really a tough deal. All women have to do is look good which is, trust me, easier than all the stunts men have to go through. Men have very little to fall back on and have to spend most their lives proving to women that they're good enough. Women really exploit all their power very well and frankly speaking do very little proving... Hypocrisy!

Throughout history men have had to do some really ridiculous and dumb things to win over women. I mean can anyone explain me the need to break Lord Ram to break Shiva's bow? or for Arjun to hit the eye of the fish looking at it's reflection to win Draupadi? What kind of a match making service was that!

Emperors winning battles and sacrificing tens and thousands of people to impress their woman is probably the worst kind of marriage proposal I can imagine. I just killed 12 tigers, 2 elephants and wrestled a 400 pound monster... Will you marry me??

I believe that some or all of these quite disturbing activities prove that the man could provide security and was ready for commitment. That's my conclusion not my opinion. I dont know how breaking bows, killing tigers, winning battles equates for matrimonial eligibility! And the more beautiful the lady, the harsher the punishment... I mean the tasks to be accomplished.

Nowadays we're down to more reasonable demands. Single child, dead parents preferably, inherited wealth, party animal, having nice degrees to hang in the living room (brains are added bonus), green card etc. The list is endless but not as tough as killing animals etc. So on behalf of all men, Thank you, Ladies!

However the misery doesn't end here... Lets go back to when Lord Ram was in exile. Sita had appealed to kill a golden deer which she saw as she wanted to, I'm just guessing, stitch some stuff out of it's skin. Which also tells us Sita was really hooked up on the designer chic clothing despite being in exiled. Much hasn't changed since then. Anyways... But as expected Lord Ram went after that deer haplessly.

He may be an incarnation of God but he was first a husband at that time. And no matter how ridiculous the demand seemed to a rational mind he set forth to hunt down the deer and get it for wifey dear! In that one action he proves that he was no mere mortal. I mean... golden deer skinned top? What was she thinking?!

Every guy I know, me included, would have spent the next half an hour arguing the need for a deer skinned top, would've spent the next 2 days gifting stupid stuff just to make her normal again and the rest of the life listening to taunts that You-never-do-anything-for-me!

We all know what happened next. His wife was abducted. He had to befriend monkeys. He had to invade some innocent island folk. He had to travel a distance of some thousand kilometres. Talk about punishment! He was really up against it both ways. That was what happened to Him, in an era when Sita actually went into exile with Ram.

So extrapolating it to fit in today's scenario... Scary stuff! It's not easy being a man...

Cheers!

A Long Lost Indian

I heard this on TV today and tried to search the net for a detailed report regarding this incident which would actually provide some authencity. I have no faith in the tabloid journalistic style of the Indian media. I didn't get any concrete news piece on this but I would still go ahead and post it with this disclaimer!

Apparently there's some thief by the name Peter Edison who takes pride in his art. He stole from a department store and painted the line 'Peter Edison was here' on the nearby wall or floor or something like that. I know pretty dumb for a thief but supposedly he did it. May be he was inspired by some Hollywood flick.

As expected the police picked him up in under an hour and at that time he was wearing one of the T-shirt he had stolen some time back. Doesn't sound like a very skilled thief... or anyone with any considerable brains either. Anyways...

My hypothesis is, assuming this story is some what true, this guy's name wasn't really Peter Edison. Even if he was Peter Edison, he was in all probabilities some long lost Indian. It was really a no-brainer!

Are you still wondering how I came to this conclusion?

I really really dont know any other country where people have the hobby of engraving 'Raju loves Pammi' messages wherever they go.

Cheers!

Baywatch!

An (oversized) gujju lady decided to have a swim in the pool, in my residential complex, last weekend. She had apparently enrolled for swimming classes 3 months back. We came to know about this later. As she had enrolled for classes that long ago, she expected to be quite proficient in swimming. Information regarding how many days out of the three months did she actually attend the classes was withheld from the public.

So she dived into the deep end of the pool with a big splash I might add. Quite comically, she couldn't swim, started drowning and quite badly. So the trainer cum lifeguard who was teaching 7 year olds in the shallow pool did the next logical thing which was also his job.

He rescued the damsel in distress and she was brought ashore. By this time a considerably large crowd consisting of mothers of the 7 year olds learning to swim, oldies who come for a stroll in the park nearby, other swimmers, kids playing in the activity room nearby had gathered. All were quite shocked at what had happened but were also happy that the lifeguard was around to save the day and the 90 kg sack.

The woman who had almost lost her consciousness comes true and everyone's enquiring if she was alright.

The first line she says, to the lifeguard... "Haath kyon lagaya???!!!"

Ouch! All that you see on TV is not true...

Cheers!

The Herd Mentality

I took the 'late' bus to office today and am I thankful for that. I saw quite an interesting sight on the way. The bus takes the highway enroute to office and that was where I saw it. Around 100-150 vehicles, may be even more, trucks-cars-buses alike were traveling on the wrong side of the road in a single file just like kindergarten kids off for some excursion. My bus was on the correct side so I could see this and was really quite bemused!

What was the deal with everyone?

The traffic on the other side too was slow moving as half of their path was obstructed by this procession. Unable to resist my curiosity, I enquired with the driver who told me that there had been an accident on our side of the road some distance ahead at around 7 or 8 AM and everyone had found 'that' wrong detour as the fastest way to reach their destination.

How proud I was of the Indian 'jugaad'... The chaos on the highway plus the accident during rush hour must've resulted into quite a few disgruntled commuters.

But quite clearly there was no reason to follow that road any longer. The rubble or whatever was obstructing free movement of traffic seemed to have been removed. But then thanks to the herd mentality hoards of cars just set out following the one ahead without even thinking what they were doing. And it being an highway it was not possible to cross over to the correct side of the road after realising their folly. I'm quite shocked at how people could just blindly do something which was quite clearly not just a traffic violation but something very dangerous as well...

But I was happy, our bus cruised through the highway in record time, quite clearly our driver was a man of vision, who dared to set his foot against the herd. He didn't care about who was doing what and he just stuck to the basics and did the right thing. Enough of trash... He knew the accident had been cleared!

Quite clearly the imbalance of information, as Prof. Ghorpade used to put it, had worked in our favour!

Cheers!

Untitled - Part I

Here's a script for a movie which I'm planning. Here we go…

Before we start off, just for the records, it's a satirical prison comedy. Prison films are always serious drama, violence and depressing etc. This will be different! The filming, picturisation, script and dialogues would have the audience thoroughly entertained.

The story starts with a bomber who is serving life imprisonment in the prison. He has been in prison for a long time. He knows his way around. He enjoys a regal status due to his persona, his achievements etc.

A new convict is brought to the prison. He’s been sentenced to life imprisonment for poaching. He’s the first one to be dealt with under the new wildlife protection act. He unexpectedly lands up in the prison, or so he thinks. He's a body builder by profession and poaching is just one of the activities which he tends to involve in when no ones looking. He's unwilling to accept his fate and has a very I-care-a-damn attitude. He pokes fun at other inmates and considers himself to be a wise crack. He also picks fights with other inmates.

So what follows is a story of these two inmates.

These two are, quite obviously, very soft at heart, fine human beings, victims of circumstances and all that crap. They develop a great camaraderie owing to constant interaction for some reason or the other.

The poacher being a body builder wants to do some work in prison which will suit his capabilities. He requests the warden for gym equipment out of govt funds. The warden declines but suggests that he can try writing to his influential friends to help him with setting up the gym. His friends ignore him for a while but eventually contribute graciously towards the gym with old instruments, machines, tread mills, dumbbells and such other stuff. The warden allots them space for the gym in return for money and a few other favors with the help of the influential friends and underworld contacts. The poacher agrees to this since he would otherwise have undergone a nervous breakdown in jail.

The poacher teaches the bomber a lot of things like tricks to build up his physique including use of steroids, painting etc. The bomber too teaches him a few things like wood work, medical knowledge, principles of Gandhi etc. The two of them fall in love and vow to be there for each other forever. They dream of being together in the in some Central American country where they can not only get drugs at rock bottom prices but also have a lot of game for hunting!

Dream sequences in Alcatraz, Tihar jail, Arthur Road etc follow and they forget that they’re prisoners. Life in prison for them is like an extended camping trip inclusive of all the leg pulling, fun filled days and a promise of eternal love!

----------------------------------------INTERMISSION-----------------------------------------

Untitled - Part II

One fine day, the poacher is found missing from the cell. The last time he was seen working out in the gym and no one knew what happened to him after that. The warden knows about the romantic angle involved with the bomber so asks the guards to beat the hell out of him for a confession or any links. He doesn’t talk.

The warden orders for a thorough search of all premises and it comes to their notice that security camera feed for a few dates is missing. The warden, though initially clueless, realizes that those were the clips of his corrupt ways, telephonic conversations and other misgivings. There is no idea as to how the poacher escaped amidst such tight security without leaving a trace. There is nothing on camera anywhere. No holes in the walls or missing guards etc. All water exits too are secured. Amidst this confusion, the secret is revealed in the gym room.

The tread mill is attached with a special mechanism, built using a complex mechanism of gears, dumbbells and other weights, which acts as a giant drill when the machine is operated. It is also revealed that there is a vertical tunnel to the sewer around 10-15 feet in depth. That was how the poacher escaped.

The warden is then arrested following an ‘Aaj Tak’ expose about malpractices in the prison. The tapes were delivered to their office via an unnamed packet.

In a year or so, the bomber is up for parole and is granted freedom thanks to his good behavior. He then goes to his home. But surprisingly bids adieu to his sister and says that he is going to make the final journey of his life. She suspects he is turning into a suicide bomber or something.

He boards a plane for Colombia.

-----------------------THE END----------------------------------------
Comments, Suggestions for Improvement, Brickbats welcome. Your contributions can only make it better. A title suggestion would also help me. I think we've a killer of a story idea. It's a potential academy award winner. It's a prison story. It's got romance, suspense, comedy, action everything!

BTW I’ve an idea for the names the two protagonists… How about Munna and Prem?

Traffic

Nothing quite excites people like honking at traffic signals, especially if it is red. Yeah. It has to be excitement. Nothing else can explain the amount of honking. It makes you feel like tapping gently on their shoulder and saying, "Excuse me... No offence but that is a horn. It is not a weapon to make the vehicles in front of you disappear."

It's inexplicable as to why despite being atleast 5-6 car lengths from the signal do people react so violently at traffic signals! No matter how sensible a person may be otherwise he just seems to be in a different zone altogether. He is the only knowing all the right moves in driving and everyone else is making some inexcusable mistakes. So even if swear words may not be a strict no-no else where they're acceptable if you're driving.

There is one more particularly interesting thing that everyone practices at traffic signals. Despite the fact that the signal is still red, people move their vehicles 6-8 inches ahead as soon as the car in front of you makes that move. They're not going anywhere in reality. But it's a psychological thing that they're now 6 inches closer to their destination and once the signal actually becomes green they'll have to cover a lesser distance!

Sleeping on pavements, walking on the footpaths, working along side the road is a dangerous act you're indulging in especially in Bandra, Marine Drive and should be undertaken at your own risk. You should consider yourself fortunate if you die under the wheels of a BMW or Porsche.

Taxis and rickshaws are in a different class altogether. In Mumbai, all you need to get a taxi or rickshaw license is a domicile certificate for UP, Bihar or Punjab. That is part of the mandatory requirements. Optional requirements like knowledge of traffic rules, driving can and should be strictly ignored!

When you're sitting at the back of one of these things it's like watching a video game. The taxi swinging from lane to lane trying their best to scare pedestrians and other vehicles, rickshaws racing with Skoda Octavias. If you just think for a moment that you're just sitting in your favourite couch and watching TV where they're showing old archives of "world's craziest police chase videos" then you can actually enjoy the ride.

But if you make a mistake of even getting an absurd thought like "He knows his job" or "He's a professional so we can rest assured in the taxi" then you may even believe that Iraq had WMDs. There is no greater foolish assumption than this!

I was in Kolkatta few years back, when it was called Calcutta, and I was amazed at Amby taxis climbing over dividers to cross between the two way traffic. The explanation furnished was that if they wouldn't drive that way they would be stuck in the same spot till evening. Point taken. In a country of over a billion, time has to be more precious than life anyways!

Cheers!

Taking on the Tele-marketers!

Whenever I get a telemarketing call and I'm asked if I'm interested in a particular thing which they're selling, my reply is "Yeah. Sure. I'm interested!" and I slam down the phone, which I find extremely effective and amusing.

However a few days back I didn't answer it that way for some reason and here is how the conversation went.

Me: Hello.
TM: Good Morning, Sir! I'm calling from Barclay's Bank. We've recently launched our credit card operations in India and would like to offer you a life time free Gold Credit Card.
Me: Ok.
TM: Would you be interested in listening to all the details of this credit card?
Me: Yeah, Sure! (He then tells me about all the features, services and details while I listen to all the crap patiently)
Me: Ok. That's good. What all documents would you require.
TM: Sir, Do you hold any other credit cards?
Me: Yes.
TM: Ok. I'll need the credit card's monthly statement of your last billing cycle. An address proof like ration card.
Me: Well... I don't have a ration card.
TM: Sir, Any address proof will do like electricity bill, telephone bill etc. Anything is fine.
Me: I live in a rented apartment so I don't really have these bills on my name. You'll need them on my name, right?
TM: Yes Sir. You can give these bills along with the rental agreement copy.
Me: Well... There is no agreement as such. I'm staying in a relative's flat.
TM: Sir, you can give us your mobile bills as address proof too.
Me: I use a pre-paid connection.
TM: (puzzled) Sir, Kindly hold on for a moment.
TM: Sir, just your credit card statement is fine. It'll have your address too.
Me: Well... Firstly I haven't subscribed for getting monthly statement on paper since the bank charges me for it and even if I do get it the address proof from them somehow, it's not of this city.
TM: A... a... Sir, you must be having a local bank account, right? You can give us the address proof from the bank. That is also accepted.
Me: I don't have bank account in this city either.
TM: (Completely bamboozled!) Sir... Kindly hold on for a second! (He then transfers the call to someone who I presume was his senior and we go through the entire conversation all over again)
TM: Sir, I'm sorry but you will have to furnish one of these proofs in order to be eligible for acquiring a credit card.
Me: Ok. No problem.

I couldn't stop laughing after the call. A telemarketer had to reject my request for a credit card. It was most unbelievable. What made it more bizarre was that I had not bluffed on any of these answers. All of them were true. However, there were other proofs which I could furnish like passport, driver's license, employer's address proof etc if I actually did want the card.

Anyways... The more important reason why I felt like sharing this with everyone was the enforcement of the National Do Not Call Registry from October and that the telemarketrs are liable to be punished in case they still haress you! So this is a post issued in public interest.

Read this article for greater insight on the purpose of this post... I sure wouldv'e been a rich man if this had happened after October.

Cheers!

गरीबी मत हटाओ

It may be a few months if not more for the elections but I've made up my mind. I'm going to vote for the party whose hidden agenda is to increase the economic divide between the haves and the have-nots! A counter argument to this point can actually be that each one is at it from 1947... Do I really have to rack my brains??

That's not the point though, I was struck by this *evil* thought, just as I was relaxing on my couch after a strenous couple of hours of house cleaning...

Lets face it... the reason that 24 hours a day are sufficient for us (after deducting 9 hours at work, 7 hours sleep, 2 hours food, 1 hour of other essentials and so on) is because someone is actually doing the so-called dirty work for us. It actually feels like I'm refering to some mafiosi organization... But our lives are more affected by the absence of the maid servant than they are by say anyone!!

Can you even imagine the scenario if the garibi actually goes away?

It'll be just as bad as the western countries... Even worse actually because of the excessive pollution and dust... I mean doing your own dishes, cleaning up your own house. Yikes!!

It's bad enough that our youth is spending their precious nights in office doing the dirty work for others... If we have to start doing our own dirty work... It'll feel like being in Nepal or Bangladesh or some such 4th/5th world country!

This should never happen. We need economic divide to stay... That's the only sure-shot way to happiness!

Cheers!

What did you do over the weekend?

One of the things that I hate about Monday is answering that question which everyone seems to be asking everyone else... What did you do over the weekend? What did you do over the weekend? Most of the times those who have actually had an exciting weekend (in relative terms) end up harassing the other majority who basically just saw 2 days go past!

I’ll tell you what I’ve been doing over the weekend… Nothing!

There should really some note put up that I'm in this state of weekend nothing-ness till the time I announce otherwise. But seriously speaking its not easy to do nothing... As good as impossible!

Well... I cannot do nothing over the weekend because in the process of doing nothing even if I do anything, it amounts to doing something which actually contradicts everything!

And even if I did anything which would sound as if I did something but in reality it was really nothing and that was the everything I did, I wouldn't share that with you because by knowing that there is actually someone who has done nothing would make you happy for something you did which was as good as nothing otherwise.

But what we fail to understand is that this nothing, something, anything are all relative entities whose definition depends on time and space. Today's something can be tomorrow's nothing and a nothing in one place can actually amount to something somewhere else & so on...

You guessed it right... Today I have nothing to do!

Cheers!

Nuke, I am your Father!

New Terms in Diction: Nuke, I am your Father!

Meaning: A proposition/deal which in the short term seems like a lucrative, profitable, alluring, fantastic venture, in the long term is an over-bearing, forceful, dominating, big-brotherly behavior which you’ll be subjected to. Though it seems like you’re being hailed as an equal it merely means you’ve got a NEW Daddy, which by any stretch of imagination is never a good thing!

Usage: LN Mittal announces to Arcelor employees, "We'll be aligning synergies and ensuring a bright and secure future together. Nuke, I am your Father!"

Source: News on the Loose (A News Parody Programme), CNBC-TV18

Picturisation: From here starts my original composition... I picturised George Bush in the Darth Vader suit fighting Manmohan Singh with lightsabers on a nuclear reactor thing or something. It is quite fitting that Bush carries on his tradition of adding new terms to the diction and adds this killer line. I'm not sure whether to classify this as a Bush-ism since it's not actually dumb! On this revelation, Singh actually starts dancing hysterically and hugs the Darth Vader. He's so thrilled and engrossed with the celebration that his own lightsaber chops off his LEFT hand!

For the uninitiated: For those who haven't seen Star Wars and don't know what the hell was this post about then here's the wiki to the Star Wars Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back. And this is how the original sequence went...

...Vader and Luke's fierce lightsaber duel brings them to a narrow platform above the city's central air shaft. After gaining the advantage, Vader cuts off Luke's dueling hand along with his lightsaber. With Luke cornered and defenseless, Vader informs Luke that he does not yet know the truth about his father. Luke claims that Vader killed him.

Vader answers: “Luke, I am your father.”

Luke screams in denial. Vader tries to persuade Luke to join him, embrace the Dark Side of the Force. Luke refuses, lets go, and falls off the platform into the abyss, signifying that he would rather die than join him...

Cheers!

Is Left Right?

It's immaterial what I think about the Left front's ultimatum to the PM and the Government about the civil nuke deal with the US. However I do believe that the country has a right to know what it is committing to. The country or even the Parliament has no idea about what the deal is, how it is going to affect the lives of Indians. We're having diametrically opposite statements made by the US and India regarding the bill. What is happening?

Let's not get into a nuclear deal much the way we elect our President. This is actually an important issue!

From what I've read a bit in the media (not the most reliable medium for getting to know the truth) is how India's nuclear power production is going to go from XXX KW to YYY KW. How India is going to get access to the NSG etc. There is a list of benefits which the PM is stressing on but these are the main couple of points.

I have a few questions... Is this deal with the United States or The Red Cross Society? I mean... Why is the US ready to enter an agreement where India is the only (apparent) beneficiary? What is the US interest in this move? Is it technology contracts worth billions in an under-developed country? Is it nuclear disarmament or adherence to CTBT and NPT? Is it strategic interests in the South Asian region? What is agreement 123? Isn't there a need to table such a deal in Parliament? The US Congress had a discussion pertaining to this deal but we, who is the more significantly affected party, cannot have it?

I don't know what the reasons given by the left front for their stand are. I don't listen to opinion of groups/ideologies I don't care about. But sometime in life, much like in an objective Mathematics exam just the final answer matters.

It has led me to believe that may be this time the left is right!

Cheers!

Independence Day

Disclaimer: I'm writing this post with all due respect to those great men and women who laid down their lives to free our country from colonial rule.

Quite frankly I dont think we got independence on 15th August 1947. A mere change of hand-cuffs doesn't mean we're free. Even wasn't the situation in our case. It was a mere change in the hand which held the keys. We were no different than we were under our former rulers. In fact we were actually worse off in quite a few aspects. This was no independence.

We achieved independence, though quite accidentally I must add, on 24th July 1991. That was the day when we were reborn. It was as if a 44 year old nation had been "put-to-sleep" and the phoenix had risen from the ashes.

Just like I fail to understand the scenario pre-1947, the future generations will be bemused on hearing the tales of license raj and other legends of the pre-1991 era. I don't even want to recollect those dark-ages or write about things which are now gone for good.

Independence is a slow process since it takes generations to change the attitude towards everything. The knowledge of being independent cannot bring about a sudden attitudinal change overnight. The shifts are pronounced if a comparison of the attitudes of those born in 1930s, 1950s, 1970s and 1990s is to be made and responses are to be noted when each of them was 20 years old. A lot more change is yet to come.

It is only now that we have started seeing the sprouts of the seeds we had sown in 1991.

The most difficult part of being independent is indeed not being dependent in thought. Harping about our drawbacks and have a indifferent approach towards the country isn't the solution. Every nation has it's pain points but nations don't cure pain-points, citizens do! Only the future generations born in the self-confident India which doesn't really need acknowledgement from someone else to realize it's ability, which doesn't hide behind five thousand years of tradition and culture to prove it's greatness will do justice to this country. This is still not the case.

It may not happen anytime soon. It may take quite a few years but one day it will happen. That is the India I dream about. That is the India which those men and women who laid down their lives for our freedom dreamt about. That is the India worth working towards. Cynics would obviously scoff at this but the nation is finally awakening to it's true potential and that is a reality. It's only a matter of time before each citizen feels as proud to declare that he's an Indian!

I had written a more elaborate article but cut it short because it's time has not yet come. May be some Independence Day few years down the line I'll post my complete thoughts on this. For now, I'm just glad I'm here to build a nation which will be great some day!

Jai Hind!

PDA

In office it's not rare to come across cubicles which are filled with family photos. Some of these pics are quite personal as well. All the hugging and cuddling. Wearing same coloured t-shirts on honeymoons, rowing a boat which can capsize any moment while you are trying to hold the oars in one hand, your wife in the other! I've never quite got the thought process that goes behind this kind of photo posting.

Is this the best way of making people uncomfortable and leave quickly when they're in your cubicle? Why not use the traditional way of just being rude!

If that isn't the reason then surely it's some kind of constant reminder that you have a family else who knows it might slip off your mind during work hours. So in a way it prevents you from doing something which... well you shouldn't be doing!

Recently I heard about a certain someone having posted her honeymoon pics on her Orkut profile. Someone else had posted "posed" couple pics on Orkut after his engagement. I don't know what to say... What a sad attempt to show that you're in love!! Yawn... Do they really think anyone cares! Such snaps are nothing more than the butt of every joke during reunions and phone calls.

There is only one thing that can be worse than seeing these special moments frozen on the 4x6 glossy paper - having to see these things... Live!

I feel like screaming out, "Please for heaven's sake... Leave the schmoopy-schmoochy, pinkoo-dinkoo and all the completely non-sensical baby-talk and this erotic show of caressing, kissing, touching, fiddling in your bloody bedroom. Don't behave as if you're Adam and Eve and there is no one around to see this freak show other than the trees in paradise!!"

Is this some testament to the fact that you're a happy couple?

I'm not a moral police. I don't have any complaints against those sitting on the Bandra BandStand under umbrellas and doing what pleases them. That's like a nationally recognized adda for doing stuff you can't do in your home because of whatever reasons. People know what to expect at such places. They have been fore-warned. But if they still pay no heed to the warning and end up witnessing such things then it's their fault. That case is significantly different from the one I'm focusing on.

It's those who are in this "excited" state all the time and choose to misbehave in public. They cause considerable mental anguish to innocent by-standers, at least expected places like restaurants, coffee shops, lectures, office, phone booths, public transports etc.

I sincerely believe that these miscreants should be recommended to psychiatric help. With the advance in modern medicine such abnormalities are curable. But till that happens I got just two words for them... "Getta room!"

Cheers!

The Long Shot

What are the odds that the size of the universe which is governed by a complex relation between several stars, planets and their gravitational and other forces would be of the size that it is now?

What are the odds that the Sun would be of the exact size and temperature in order to sustain life?

What are the odds that Earth would be at the precise distance so as to sustain life? And the odds of Earth lying within the band of distance which can actually keep water, an important component for life, at a liquid form?

Inspite of all the favourable planetary conditions and galatical settings it took 6 billion years for life to evolve. What about betting on the evolutionary cycle to be completed? Single-cell organisms... Multi-cellular... Fish... Amphibians... Reptiles... Dinosaurs... the meteorite blast... Mammals... Apes... Human...

Would you have even dreamt that Pan troglodytes would some day become Homo sapiens? That's Chimpanzees to Humans for the uninitiated.

Humans have now been in existence for thousands of years. But still what are the odds of two people meeting, mating and actually giving birth to a particular individual? The chances of even something as basic as this which happens everyday are more surprising than you can imagine.

For all that we know, God may actually exist! This may after all be a part of a major plan. The six-billion odd Earthlings may actually be just one piece of a huge jigsaw. I mean think about the entire cycle right from the formation of the universe to your own birth. It's not easy to attribute all these things to something like coincidence.

In the words of Agent K from MIB, "1500 years ago, Everybody knew that the Earth was the center of the universe. 500 years ago, Everybody knew that the Earth was flat and 15 minutes ago, you knew that people were alone on this planet. Imagine what you'll "know" tomorrow." So the existence of a divine power is a plausible possibility if we take into consideration the expanse of our knowledge and the set of coincidences that have led to our existence.

I can't seem to make up my mind which of the following has higher probability. Is life just a set of uncontrollable coincedences? (a scary thought) Or whether everything is happening as per a pre-set plan? (Also, a scary thought) Or is there a middle path (Being an optimist... I certainly hope so!)?

One thing I can say for sure... The probability of me dying is 1 but if I wasn't already born I would estimate the chances of my existence somewhere in the vicinity of zero. Long shot? Naah... Plain and simple lucky!

Cheers!

Clucked Clunked Clinked

It's been decided that the mechanical meters that have been donned by taxis and rickshaws since the time Nehru was the PM are to be phased out. I believe the main reason why the meters have not been replaced till now is quite basic and has a lot to do with human psychology.

When you sit in the taxi and the taxi driver extends his arm out of the window turns the meter thru 3 slots and brings it in the meter down position with that distinct clickud-clickud-clickud. That's what sets up the ride. That's when you feel... Oh yeah! I have hired this thing and now this machine runs as per my orders! It's just not the same when you have those push-button meters! You dont feel the same way. I'm saying this from personal experience.

Our life is almost filled with such instances where these weird and in most cases unnecessary mechanical sounds make us arrive at some seemingly logical conclusions to convince ourselves. Here's another example to prove my point!

ATMs. Have you noticed the sound that they make before they dispense the cash? Is that a really necessary thing? I mean... the modern day financial institutions have technology to transfer money from Bangalore to Glasgow via Brisbane in a matter of seconds and they cant make silent ATMs??

But it's again the thoughts that the person standing in front of the ATM has that have led to this in a way inefficient design. When the machine is making all those weird noises you just feel somoething is happening. The thud-thud-thud-thud noise goes a long way in convincing that now it's counting MY money! It just somehow makes you believe that you've got such a lot of money in your account that it actually takes time to count it.

Give me a break. What machine counts thud-thud-thud-thud.

But the banks have gone out of the way to think about their customers here. They dont want people standing in front of those machines like idiots & having some serious doubts about what is going on inside or is the machine even working. All the theatrics is like a big show that is put up especially for your entertainment and to ensure that you have that MY-money-takes-time-to-count feeling!

I wonder why this keyboard is creating such a racket. No complaints actually! It's really doing a good job of convincing those around that I'm doing some really important work... Hmmmm...

Cheers!