The Herd Mentality

I took the 'late' bus to office today and am I thankful for that. I saw quite an interesting sight on the way. The bus takes the highway enroute to office and that was where I saw it. Around 100-150 vehicles, may be even more, trucks-cars-buses alike were traveling on the wrong side of the road in a single file just like kindergarten kids off for some excursion. My bus was on the correct side so I could see this and was really quite bemused!

What was the deal with everyone?

The traffic on the other side too was slow moving as half of their path was obstructed by this procession. Unable to resist my curiosity, I enquired with the driver who told me that there had been an accident on our side of the road some distance ahead at around 7 or 8 AM and everyone had found 'that' wrong detour as the fastest way to reach their destination.

How proud I was of the Indian 'jugaad'... The chaos on the highway plus the accident during rush hour must've resulted into quite a few disgruntled commuters.

But quite clearly there was no reason to follow that road any longer. The rubble or whatever was obstructing free movement of traffic seemed to have been removed. But then thanks to the herd mentality hoards of cars just set out following the one ahead without even thinking what they were doing. And it being an highway it was not possible to cross over to the correct side of the road after realising their folly. I'm quite shocked at how people could just blindly do something which was quite clearly not just a traffic violation but something very dangerous as well...

But I was happy, our bus cruised through the highway in record time, quite clearly our driver was a man of vision, who dared to set his foot against the herd. He didn't care about who was doing what and he just stuck to the basics and did the right thing. Enough of trash... He knew the accident had been cleared!

Quite clearly the imbalance of information, as Prof. Ghorpade used to put it, had worked in our favour!

Cheers!

Untitled - Part I

Here's a script for a movie which I'm planning. Here we go…

Before we start off, just for the records, it's a satirical prison comedy. Prison films are always serious drama, violence and depressing etc. This will be different! The filming, picturisation, script and dialogues would have the audience thoroughly entertained.

The story starts with a bomber who is serving life imprisonment in the prison. He has been in prison for a long time. He knows his way around. He enjoys a regal status due to his persona, his achievements etc.

A new convict is brought to the prison. He’s been sentenced to life imprisonment for poaching. He’s the first one to be dealt with under the new wildlife protection act. He unexpectedly lands up in the prison, or so he thinks. He's a body builder by profession and poaching is just one of the activities which he tends to involve in when no ones looking. He's unwilling to accept his fate and has a very I-care-a-damn attitude. He pokes fun at other inmates and considers himself to be a wise crack. He also picks fights with other inmates.

So what follows is a story of these two inmates.

These two are, quite obviously, very soft at heart, fine human beings, victims of circumstances and all that crap. They develop a great camaraderie owing to constant interaction for some reason or the other.

The poacher being a body builder wants to do some work in prison which will suit his capabilities. He requests the warden for gym equipment out of govt funds. The warden declines but suggests that he can try writing to his influential friends to help him with setting up the gym. His friends ignore him for a while but eventually contribute graciously towards the gym with old instruments, machines, tread mills, dumbbells and such other stuff. The warden allots them space for the gym in return for money and a few other favors with the help of the influential friends and underworld contacts. The poacher agrees to this since he would otherwise have undergone a nervous breakdown in jail.

The poacher teaches the bomber a lot of things like tricks to build up his physique including use of steroids, painting etc. The bomber too teaches him a few things like wood work, medical knowledge, principles of Gandhi etc. The two of them fall in love and vow to be there for each other forever. They dream of being together in the in some Central American country where they can not only get drugs at rock bottom prices but also have a lot of game for hunting!

Dream sequences in Alcatraz, Tihar jail, Arthur Road etc follow and they forget that they’re prisoners. Life in prison for them is like an extended camping trip inclusive of all the leg pulling, fun filled days and a promise of eternal love!

----------------------------------------INTERMISSION-----------------------------------------

Untitled - Part II

One fine day, the poacher is found missing from the cell. The last time he was seen working out in the gym and no one knew what happened to him after that. The warden knows about the romantic angle involved with the bomber so asks the guards to beat the hell out of him for a confession or any links. He doesn’t talk.

The warden orders for a thorough search of all premises and it comes to their notice that security camera feed for a few dates is missing. The warden, though initially clueless, realizes that those were the clips of his corrupt ways, telephonic conversations and other misgivings. There is no idea as to how the poacher escaped amidst such tight security without leaving a trace. There is nothing on camera anywhere. No holes in the walls or missing guards etc. All water exits too are secured. Amidst this confusion, the secret is revealed in the gym room.

The tread mill is attached with a special mechanism, built using a complex mechanism of gears, dumbbells and other weights, which acts as a giant drill when the machine is operated. It is also revealed that there is a vertical tunnel to the sewer around 10-15 feet in depth. That was how the poacher escaped.

The warden is then arrested following an ‘Aaj Tak’ expose about malpractices in the prison. The tapes were delivered to their office via an unnamed packet.

In a year or so, the bomber is up for parole and is granted freedom thanks to his good behavior. He then goes to his home. But surprisingly bids adieu to his sister and says that he is going to make the final journey of his life. She suspects he is turning into a suicide bomber or something.

He boards a plane for Colombia.

-----------------------THE END----------------------------------------
Comments, Suggestions for Improvement, Brickbats welcome. Your contributions can only make it better. A title suggestion would also help me. I think we've a killer of a story idea. It's a potential academy award winner. It's a prison story. It's got romance, suspense, comedy, action everything!

BTW I’ve an idea for the names the two protagonists… How about Munna and Prem?

Traffic

Nothing quite excites people like honking at traffic signals, especially if it is red. Yeah. It has to be excitement. Nothing else can explain the amount of honking. It makes you feel like tapping gently on their shoulder and saying, "Excuse me... No offence but that is a horn. It is not a weapon to make the vehicles in front of you disappear."

It's inexplicable as to why despite being atleast 5-6 car lengths from the signal do people react so violently at traffic signals! No matter how sensible a person may be otherwise he just seems to be in a different zone altogether. He is the only knowing all the right moves in driving and everyone else is making some inexcusable mistakes. So even if swear words may not be a strict no-no else where they're acceptable if you're driving.

There is one more particularly interesting thing that everyone practices at traffic signals. Despite the fact that the signal is still red, people move their vehicles 6-8 inches ahead as soon as the car in front of you makes that move. They're not going anywhere in reality. But it's a psychological thing that they're now 6 inches closer to their destination and once the signal actually becomes green they'll have to cover a lesser distance!

Sleeping on pavements, walking on the footpaths, working along side the road is a dangerous act you're indulging in especially in Bandra, Marine Drive and should be undertaken at your own risk. You should consider yourself fortunate if you die under the wheels of a BMW or Porsche.

Taxis and rickshaws are in a different class altogether. In Mumbai, all you need to get a taxi or rickshaw license is a domicile certificate for UP, Bihar or Punjab. That is part of the mandatory requirements. Optional requirements like knowledge of traffic rules, driving can and should be strictly ignored!

When you're sitting at the back of one of these things it's like watching a video game. The taxi swinging from lane to lane trying their best to scare pedestrians and other vehicles, rickshaws racing with Skoda Octavias. If you just think for a moment that you're just sitting in your favourite couch and watching TV where they're showing old archives of "world's craziest police chase videos" then you can actually enjoy the ride.

But if you make a mistake of even getting an absurd thought like "He knows his job" or "He's a professional so we can rest assured in the taxi" then you may even believe that Iraq had WMDs. There is no greater foolish assumption than this!

I was in Kolkatta few years back, when it was called Calcutta, and I was amazed at Amby taxis climbing over dividers to cross between the two way traffic. The explanation furnished was that if they wouldn't drive that way they would be stuck in the same spot till evening. Point taken. In a country of over a billion, time has to be more precious than life anyways!

Cheers!

Taking on the Tele-marketers!

Whenever I get a telemarketing call and I'm asked if I'm interested in a particular thing which they're selling, my reply is "Yeah. Sure. I'm interested!" and I slam down the phone, which I find extremely effective and amusing.

However a few days back I didn't answer it that way for some reason and here is how the conversation went.

Me: Hello.
TM: Good Morning, Sir! I'm calling from Barclay's Bank. We've recently launched our credit card operations in India and would like to offer you a life time free Gold Credit Card.
Me: Ok.
TM: Would you be interested in listening to all the details of this credit card?
Me: Yeah, Sure! (He then tells me about all the features, services and details while I listen to all the crap patiently)
Me: Ok. That's good. What all documents would you require.
TM: Sir, Do you hold any other credit cards?
Me: Yes.
TM: Ok. I'll need the credit card's monthly statement of your last billing cycle. An address proof like ration card.
Me: Well... I don't have a ration card.
TM: Sir, Any address proof will do like electricity bill, telephone bill etc. Anything is fine.
Me: I live in a rented apartment so I don't really have these bills on my name. You'll need them on my name, right?
TM: Yes Sir. You can give these bills along with the rental agreement copy.
Me: Well... There is no agreement as such. I'm staying in a relative's flat.
TM: Sir, you can give us your mobile bills as address proof too.
Me: I use a pre-paid connection.
TM: (puzzled) Sir, Kindly hold on for a moment.
TM: Sir, just your credit card statement is fine. It'll have your address too.
Me: Well... Firstly I haven't subscribed for getting monthly statement on paper since the bank charges me for it and even if I do get it the address proof from them somehow, it's not of this city.
TM: A... a... Sir, you must be having a local bank account, right? You can give us the address proof from the bank. That is also accepted.
Me: I don't have bank account in this city either.
TM: (Completely bamboozled!) Sir... Kindly hold on for a second! (He then transfers the call to someone who I presume was his senior and we go through the entire conversation all over again)
TM: Sir, I'm sorry but you will have to furnish one of these proofs in order to be eligible for acquiring a credit card.
Me: Ok. No problem.

I couldn't stop laughing after the call. A telemarketer had to reject my request for a credit card. It was most unbelievable. What made it more bizarre was that I had not bluffed on any of these answers. All of them were true. However, there were other proofs which I could furnish like passport, driver's license, employer's address proof etc if I actually did want the card.

Anyways... The more important reason why I felt like sharing this with everyone was the enforcement of the National Do Not Call Registry from October and that the telemarketrs are liable to be punished in case they still haress you! So this is a post issued in public interest.

Read this article for greater insight on the purpose of this post... I sure wouldv'e been a rich man if this had happened after October.

Cheers!

गरीबी मत हटाओ

It may be a few months if not more for the elections but I've made up my mind. I'm going to vote for the party whose hidden agenda is to increase the economic divide between the haves and the have-nots! A counter argument to this point can actually be that each one is at it from 1947... Do I really have to rack my brains??

That's not the point though, I was struck by this *evil* thought, just as I was relaxing on my couch after a strenous couple of hours of house cleaning...

Lets face it... the reason that 24 hours a day are sufficient for us (after deducting 9 hours at work, 7 hours sleep, 2 hours food, 1 hour of other essentials and so on) is because someone is actually doing the so-called dirty work for us. It actually feels like I'm refering to some mafiosi organization... But our lives are more affected by the absence of the maid servant than they are by say anyone!!

Can you even imagine the scenario if the garibi actually goes away?

It'll be just as bad as the western countries... Even worse actually because of the excessive pollution and dust... I mean doing your own dishes, cleaning up your own house. Yikes!!

It's bad enough that our youth is spending their precious nights in office doing the dirty work for others... If we have to start doing our own dirty work... It'll feel like being in Nepal or Bangladesh or some such 4th/5th world country!

This should never happen. We need economic divide to stay... That's the only sure-shot way to happiness!

Cheers!

What did you do over the weekend?

One of the things that I hate about Monday is answering that question which everyone seems to be asking everyone else... What did you do over the weekend? What did you do over the weekend? Most of the times those who have actually had an exciting weekend (in relative terms) end up harassing the other majority who basically just saw 2 days go past!

I’ll tell you what I’ve been doing over the weekend… Nothing!

There should really some note put up that I'm in this state of weekend nothing-ness till the time I announce otherwise. But seriously speaking its not easy to do nothing... As good as impossible!

Well... I cannot do nothing over the weekend because in the process of doing nothing even if I do anything, it amounts to doing something which actually contradicts everything!

And even if I did anything which would sound as if I did something but in reality it was really nothing and that was the everything I did, I wouldn't share that with you because by knowing that there is actually someone who has done nothing would make you happy for something you did which was as good as nothing otherwise.

But what we fail to understand is that this nothing, something, anything are all relative entities whose definition depends on time and space. Today's something can be tomorrow's nothing and a nothing in one place can actually amount to something somewhere else & so on...

You guessed it right... Today I have nothing to do!

Cheers!

Nuke, I am your Father!

New Terms in Diction: Nuke, I am your Father!

Meaning: A proposition/deal which in the short term seems like a lucrative, profitable, alluring, fantastic venture, in the long term is an over-bearing, forceful, dominating, big-brotherly behavior which you’ll be subjected to. Though it seems like you’re being hailed as an equal it merely means you’ve got a NEW Daddy, which by any stretch of imagination is never a good thing!

Usage: LN Mittal announces to Arcelor employees, "We'll be aligning synergies and ensuring a bright and secure future together. Nuke, I am your Father!"

Source: News on the Loose (A News Parody Programme), CNBC-TV18

Picturisation: From here starts my original composition... I picturised George Bush in the Darth Vader suit fighting Manmohan Singh with lightsabers on a nuclear reactor thing or something. It is quite fitting that Bush carries on his tradition of adding new terms to the diction and adds this killer line. I'm not sure whether to classify this as a Bush-ism since it's not actually dumb! On this revelation, Singh actually starts dancing hysterically and hugs the Darth Vader. He's so thrilled and engrossed with the celebration that his own lightsaber chops off his LEFT hand!

For the uninitiated: For those who haven't seen Star Wars and don't know what the hell was this post about then here's the wiki to the Star Wars Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back. And this is how the original sequence went...

...Vader and Luke's fierce lightsaber duel brings them to a narrow platform above the city's central air shaft. After gaining the advantage, Vader cuts off Luke's dueling hand along with his lightsaber. With Luke cornered and defenseless, Vader informs Luke that he does not yet know the truth about his father. Luke claims that Vader killed him.

Vader answers: “Luke, I am your father.”

Luke screams in denial. Vader tries to persuade Luke to join him, embrace the Dark Side of the Force. Luke refuses, lets go, and falls off the platform into the abyss, signifying that he would rather die than join him...

Cheers!

Is Left Right?

It's immaterial what I think about the Left front's ultimatum to the PM and the Government about the civil nuke deal with the US. However I do believe that the country has a right to know what it is committing to. The country or even the Parliament has no idea about what the deal is, how it is going to affect the lives of Indians. We're having diametrically opposite statements made by the US and India regarding the bill. What is happening?

Let's not get into a nuclear deal much the way we elect our President. This is actually an important issue!

From what I've read a bit in the media (not the most reliable medium for getting to know the truth) is how India's nuclear power production is going to go from XXX KW to YYY KW. How India is going to get access to the NSG etc. There is a list of benefits which the PM is stressing on but these are the main couple of points.

I have a few questions... Is this deal with the United States or The Red Cross Society? I mean... Why is the US ready to enter an agreement where India is the only (apparent) beneficiary? What is the US interest in this move? Is it technology contracts worth billions in an under-developed country? Is it nuclear disarmament or adherence to CTBT and NPT? Is it strategic interests in the South Asian region? What is agreement 123? Isn't there a need to table such a deal in Parliament? The US Congress had a discussion pertaining to this deal but we, who is the more significantly affected party, cannot have it?

I don't know what the reasons given by the left front for their stand are. I don't listen to opinion of groups/ideologies I don't care about. But sometime in life, much like in an objective Mathematics exam just the final answer matters.

It has led me to believe that may be this time the left is right!

Cheers!

Independence Day

Disclaimer: I'm writing this post with all due respect to those great men and women who laid down their lives to free our country from colonial rule.

Quite frankly I dont think we got independence on 15th August 1947. A mere change of hand-cuffs doesn't mean we're free. Even wasn't the situation in our case. It was a mere change in the hand which held the keys. We were no different than we were under our former rulers. In fact we were actually worse off in quite a few aspects. This was no independence.

We achieved independence, though quite accidentally I must add, on 24th July 1991. That was the day when we were reborn. It was as if a 44 year old nation had been "put-to-sleep" and the phoenix had risen from the ashes.

Just like I fail to understand the scenario pre-1947, the future generations will be bemused on hearing the tales of license raj and other legends of the pre-1991 era. I don't even want to recollect those dark-ages or write about things which are now gone for good.

Independence is a slow process since it takes generations to change the attitude towards everything. The knowledge of being independent cannot bring about a sudden attitudinal change overnight. The shifts are pronounced if a comparison of the attitudes of those born in 1930s, 1950s, 1970s and 1990s is to be made and responses are to be noted when each of them was 20 years old. A lot more change is yet to come.

It is only now that we have started seeing the sprouts of the seeds we had sown in 1991.

The most difficult part of being independent is indeed not being dependent in thought. Harping about our drawbacks and have a indifferent approach towards the country isn't the solution. Every nation has it's pain points but nations don't cure pain-points, citizens do! Only the future generations born in the self-confident India which doesn't really need acknowledgement from someone else to realize it's ability, which doesn't hide behind five thousand years of tradition and culture to prove it's greatness will do justice to this country. This is still not the case.

It may not happen anytime soon. It may take quite a few years but one day it will happen. That is the India I dream about. That is the India which those men and women who laid down their lives for our freedom dreamt about. That is the India worth working towards. Cynics would obviously scoff at this but the nation is finally awakening to it's true potential and that is a reality. It's only a matter of time before each citizen feels as proud to declare that he's an Indian!

I had written a more elaborate article but cut it short because it's time has not yet come. May be some Independence Day few years down the line I'll post my complete thoughts on this. For now, I'm just glad I'm here to build a nation which will be great some day!

Jai Hind!

PDA

In office it's not rare to come across cubicles which are filled with family photos. Some of these pics are quite personal as well. All the hugging and cuddling. Wearing same coloured t-shirts on honeymoons, rowing a boat which can capsize any moment while you are trying to hold the oars in one hand, your wife in the other! I've never quite got the thought process that goes behind this kind of photo posting.

Is this the best way of making people uncomfortable and leave quickly when they're in your cubicle? Why not use the traditional way of just being rude!

If that isn't the reason then surely it's some kind of constant reminder that you have a family else who knows it might slip off your mind during work hours. So in a way it prevents you from doing something which... well you shouldn't be doing!

Recently I heard about a certain someone having posted her honeymoon pics on her Orkut profile. Someone else had posted "posed" couple pics on Orkut after his engagement. I don't know what to say... What a sad attempt to show that you're in love!! Yawn... Do they really think anyone cares! Such snaps are nothing more than the butt of every joke during reunions and phone calls.

There is only one thing that can be worse than seeing these special moments frozen on the 4x6 glossy paper - having to see these things... Live!

I feel like screaming out, "Please for heaven's sake... Leave the schmoopy-schmoochy, pinkoo-dinkoo and all the completely non-sensical baby-talk and this erotic show of caressing, kissing, touching, fiddling in your bloody bedroom. Don't behave as if you're Adam and Eve and there is no one around to see this freak show other than the trees in paradise!!"

Is this some testament to the fact that you're a happy couple?

I'm not a moral police. I don't have any complaints against those sitting on the Bandra BandStand under umbrellas and doing what pleases them. That's like a nationally recognized adda for doing stuff you can't do in your home because of whatever reasons. People know what to expect at such places. They have been fore-warned. But if they still pay no heed to the warning and end up witnessing such things then it's their fault. That case is significantly different from the one I'm focusing on.

It's those who are in this "excited" state all the time and choose to misbehave in public. They cause considerable mental anguish to innocent by-standers, at least expected places like restaurants, coffee shops, lectures, office, phone booths, public transports etc.

I sincerely believe that these miscreants should be recommended to psychiatric help. With the advance in modern medicine such abnormalities are curable. But till that happens I got just two words for them... "Getta room!"

Cheers!

The Long Shot

What are the odds that the size of the universe which is governed by a complex relation between several stars, planets and their gravitational and other forces would be of the size that it is now?

What are the odds that the Sun would be of the exact size and temperature in order to sustain life?

What are the odds that Earth would be at the precise distance so as to sustain life? And the odds of Earth lying within the band of distance which can actually keep water, an important component for life, at a liquid form?

Inspite of all the favourable planetary conditions and galatical settings it took 6 billion years for life to evolve. What about betting on the evolutionary cycle to be completed? Single-cell organisms... Multi-cellular... Fish... Amphibians... Reptiles... Dinosaurs... the meteorite blast... Mammals... Apes... Human...

Would you have even dreamt that Pan troglodytes would some day become Homo sapiens? That's Chimpanzees to Humans for the uninitiated.

Humans have now been in existence for thousands of years. But still what are the odds of two people meeting, mating and actually giving birth to a particular individual? The chances of even something as basic as this which happens everyday are more surprising than you can imagine.

For all that we know, God may actually exist! This may after all be a part of a major plan. The six-billion odd Earthlings may actually be just one piece of a huge jigsaw. I mean think about the entire cycle right from the formation of the universe to your own birth. It's not easy to attribute all these things to something like coincidence.

In the words of Agent K from MIB, "1500 years ago, Everybody knew that the Earth was the center of the universe. 500 years ago, Everybody knew that the Earth was flat and 15 minutes ago, you knew that people were alone on this planet. Imagine what you'll "know" tomorrow." So the existence of a divine power is a plausible possibility if we take into consideration the expanse of our knowledge and the set of coincidences that have led to our existence.

I can't seem to make up my mind which of the following has higher probability. Is life just a set of uncontrollable coincedences? (a scary thought) Or whether everything is happening as per a pre-set plan? (Also, a scary thought) Or is there a middle path (Being an optimist... I certainly hope so!)?

One thing I can say for sure... The probability of me dying is 1 but if I wasn't already born I would estimate the chances of my existence somewhere in the vicinity of zero. Long shot? Naah... Plain and simple lucky!

Cheers!

Clucked Clunked Clinked

It's been decided that the mechanical meters that have been donned by taxis and rickshaws since the time Nehru was the PM are to be phased out. I believe the main reason why the meters have not been replaced till now is quite basic and has a lot to do with human psychology.

When you sit in the taxi and the taxi driver extends his arm out of the window turns the meter thru 3 slots and brings it in the meter down position with that distinct clickud-clickud-clickud. That's what sets up the ride. That's when you feel... Oh yeah! I have hired this thing and now this machine runs as per my orders! It's just not the same when you have those push-button meters! You dont feel the same way. I'm saying this from personal experience.

Our life is almost filled with such instances where these weird and in most cases unnecessary mechanical sounds make us arrive at some seemingly logical conclusions to convince ourselves. Here's another example to prove my point!

ATMs. Have you noticed the sound that they make before they dispense the cash? Is that a really necessary thing? I mean... the modern day financial institutions have technology to transfer money from Bangalore to Glasgow via Brisbane in a matter of seconds and they cant make silent ATMs??

But it's again the thoughts that the person standing in front of the ATM has that have led to this in a way inefficient design. When the machine is making all those weird noises you just feel somoething is happening. The thud-thud-thud-thud noise goes a long way in convincing that now it's counting MY money! It just somehow makes you believe that you've got such a lot of money in your account that it actually takes time to count it.

Give me a break. What machine counts thud-thud-thud-thud.

But the banks have gone out of the way to think about their customers here. They dont want people standing in front of those machines like idiots & having some serious doubts about what is going on inside or is the machine even working. All the theatrics is like a big show that is put up especially for your entertainment and to ensure that you have that MY-money-takes-time-to-count feeling!

I wonder why this keyboard is creating such a racket. No complaints actually! It's really doing a good job of convincing those around that I'm doing some really important work... Hmmmm...

Cheers!

The Perfect Gift

What makes this entire gifting thing tough are the multiple aspects involved. A gift basically signifies to a person that you've invested time and thought to make the occasion special or that you're as happy in his achievement or... well you get the idea.

The value of any gift is overwhelmingly dependent on the nature of the relationship between gifter and giftee. It has to be a fine balance between something that shows how much you value a person, something that finds value/utility in his life and something that shows the material-value you're ready to spend for that person. It's very rare that people achieve this trinity!

So to make life simpler, we think of all the pseudo gifts. I believe pseudo gifts are something which say... I was so busy with my own life that I couldn't give enough thought to your gift so here I am gifting this 'thing' to you which is as useless to you as it would've been to me had anyone else given it to me!!

The favourite pseudo gift is a bouquet but for me they're really are a turn-off. Firstly, I'm not someone who really likes flowers, mainly because of the state in which they are the next day. So to prevent myself from being subjected to that dreadful sight I would rather prefer a dumb gift like a paperweight and this rule is applicable both ways!

I've been gifted in cash only by those close relatives who were incapable of connecting with me or understanding my choices or the reason behind them. So there are very few such relationships for which a cash gift is appropriate.

However, lot of time the attempt to hit the recipients’ preferences is so bad that it is likely that the gift will leave the recipient worse off than if he/she had made her own consumption choice with an equal amount of cash. Its not hard to guess that gift-giving actually destroys the value of gifts.

Gift certificates seem like a golden mean between avoiding a bad gift or a cash gift. They're in a way the perfect substitute for an item that you would've bought from that shop but I think they hold a hidden meaning. It's something like I wanted to give you something from that store but my budget was way too short of anything good. Besides, it wasn't really worth spending too much time thinking however instead of making you think I'm giving you cash, I've given you this gift certificate which would attribute the store brand to my in other ways empty gift! Not surprisingly most gift certificates go unused.

Ideally, you’d want to gift something the giftee might like but doesn’t know about, or some kind of guilty pleasure that he wouldn’t buy for himself. In either case, you are creating value for the recipient by giving him something that is actually worth more to him than the money you spent on it.

I must confess I'm not that good at gifting but I do traverse the oft-travelled road of trial and error. Though, The Perfect Gift may still remain a hypothetical concept since I've never been-there-done-that, a conversation with a friend concerning gifting a XBox 360 made me realise that it does exists. Hmmmm... Xbox 360... What could be more perfect...

Cheers!

Game Theory & The Mumbai Floods!

Rains and the subsequent flooding in Mumbai has clearly started losing it's seriousness. Let's be realistic if something happens once in a few years or even once a year then it'll be a topic of some interest to read/write/solve. The flood like situation has now become a weekly thing. So doesn't evoke anything more than a 'ho-hum' reaction from those who don't experience it.

Things in the not-so-distant future are going to be so bad that people will be scared even to flush the toilets in their homes as it may flood the surrounding area. Then as usual instead of treating the disease, we'll be busy treating the symptoms. We may have a fixed time-schedule for toilet flushes depending on the area in which you live. If you're in the western suburbs then 5-6am. If in the central suburbs then 6-7am. But if you're in the town area, no regulations for you... since we already have an well-accepted electric load-shedding model to lead us by example!

A few centuries from now when then ruins of Mumbai would be excavated like Mohenjo-Daro and Harrapa, I'm sure areas like Milan subway, Sion, King's Circle etc would be classified as being part of rivers or oceans!

The jury would be out till the end of the world to determine the reasons for this entire scenario. But from my very basic understanding of the Mumbai landscape and some even more basic logic and science the answer is pretty clear. Complete lack of respect for ecology. Mumbai, with it's peninsular geography is very different from most cities and hence needs to be planned even more carefully. A complete overhauling needs to be undertaken instead of just tinkering around with some issues which hardly are going to make a difference or like in many cases they're going to worsen the situation.

The amount of immigration into Mumbai and the ever-increasing constructions are the reasons and it's practically a no-brainer to identify them. To solve the problem of inadequacy of residential property what do we do? Authorize more slums which double up as convenient vote banks & grant FSI without having second thoughts.

The slums, illegal encroachments etc may be the sin that is destroying Mumbai but the middle/upper middle class are no saints. If areas with infrastructure facilities built for 30 rooms of size 15'x15' are now forced to serve 60 storied towers with 250 apartments and 1000+ occupants, it's anyone's guess how things are going to shape up. The skyline of Central Mumbai which was once dotted by chimneys is now being replaced by 40+ storied towers. Areas like Kalbadevi, Tardeo etc are being adored with 60+ storied towers.

Where the hell is the infrastructure to support this kind of development? Where are these people getting water from? Where is their sewage being disposed off? Where are they getting electricity from? The solution is not to cut these basic necessities from villages/towns just to cover up for some pathetic planning and complete lack of vision and disrespect for nature.

Are the various reclamation projects which are eating into the Arabian Sea and the nearby creeks in harmony with the ecology? The water logging problems are a direct result of these activities. The water which earlier had many exit channels now is blocked with no way out. The irregularity of rainfall is something which is going to baffle the experts for years to come. Are the reasons for a shift from consistent, season-long rainfall to an erratic and concentrated-in-an-hour type of a quickie natural? I have no doubts about it in my mind but due to lack of any scientific explanation I'm not making any claims.

The emulation of high-rise buldings and other 'visible' attributes that characterise every other city in the world is useless untill efforts are made to emulate the 'invisible' attributes of those cities. Garbage disposal, sewage water treatment, electricity, fresh water, green spaces, rainfall arrestment... Do we have enough for the crores that live in Mumbai? I’m not anti-development but the fact of the matter remains that there are just two ways about it... Make the structure sufficient to carry the load or Cut down the load to a level which is sustainable. And this should be done across the cross section and not just unleashing the wrath on the 60%+ staying in slums and shanties!

Having disaster recovery centres, cleaning up nallas, Mithi river and other BMC theatrics is like going to McDonald's insisting for Diet Coke when you've already got a Extra Cheese burger in your tray.

This is a classic case of Game Theory. If everyone collectively sets aside their own interests or are ready to sacrifice a small part then it can result in a greater good for all involved. But then each one goes after the holy grail to keep it all for himself which ultimately results into no one getting anything!

We should really start distinguishing between luxuries and necessities from a long term and collective point of view. Why am I even writing all this? Even a catastrophe is not enough to wake us from our deep slumber because it's not possible to wake up someone whose pretending to be asleep!

Cheers!