Ok... I'll try!

I'm not going to justify the length of time I haven't blogged.

It's not as if I didn't have time... I had time to do plenty of other things!

It wasn't as if bloggable things didn't happen... There were times I felt in the middle of the day... This is something I can blog about!

But then... well whatever...

I'm not going to say I'll be back to regular blogging... I'll try!

Chaar aane ki Murgi, Baara aane ka Masala

I got my driving license made in Chicago for $10 all inclusive, written test, road test et all.

I got it transferred from Illinois to Connecticut yesterday. That cost me $40 for the form and $77 for the license. Written test and Road test were waived off. Just a small sum of $117 for transferring it. Isn't that nice!

Cheers!

Spam

Technology has made great strides in past few years. The spam mails are supposedly one of the areas where marketers and IT folks have worked in order to have some sort of a targeted marketing exercise. So that basically means that the spam you get should be able to give a fairly good indication of what you are likely to buy, looking to buy, want, need or atleast lack.

Here's a screenshot of what I've been receiving lately.

So I must be needing a home, cars, beautiful feet, a master's degree among other things.

Now since most of you would be receiving such spam mails you can notice the absence of a particular category of spam mails. Yeah! You got it... Now I'm definitely happy that atleast whatever technical mumbo-jumbo they use for this targeted marketing didn't put me into the category which needs anything of that sort.

So I must be quite lucky!

Cheers!

Re-engineering

Does it make sense to modernize an inefficient, ineffective system by recreating the same scenario in some other platform?

How is that supposed to be re-engineering? or even plain and simple modernization!

I guess I'm the only one who gets the irony of this situation...

Cheers!

Relocation

Relocation, I guess is very much a part of life when you're working in the IT consulting field, are single, operate in a specialized domain and I dont want to sound conceit so I would just add etc etc etc...

I'll be moving to a new city, new client, new apartment. It wouldn't be a life-threatening change since well... from a very high level nothing much is changing!

Let's see how things go...

Cheers!

Irony

I was watching this old Hindi movie clip on Youtube.

Rajkumar has a very famous dialogue which goes something like this... "Chinoy Seth... Jinke ghar sheeshe ke ho woh doosron ke ghar pe patthar nahi phenka karte..."

My thoughts on this legendary dialogue:

Dude, I completely agree with you on that one... But why should people who dont live in glass houses be allowed to throw stones at others' houses? That kind of behaviour should make you land in some kind of an asylum.

My policy would be... No one is allowed to throw stones at houses irrespective of housing situation!

On second thought though, there would be one exception...
In case you're trapped in a glass house, as a part of some deranged scheme of an evil warlord, and you need to get out of it & happen to find a stone or an object which can be used as a makeshift stone... Then use it man! Throw the damn thing... Break the glass and just get the hell out of there!

So in fact people who stay in glass houses should be the only ones who have the right to throw stones...

Cheers!

I believe I can fly...

So I'm on a plane, we left late. Pilot says we're going to be making up sometime in the air. I thought, well isn't that interesting. We'll just make up time. That's why you have to reset your watch when you land. Of course, when they say they're making up time, obviously they're increasing the speed of the aircraft. Now, my question is if you can go faster, why don't you just go as fast as you can all the time? C'mon, there's no cops up here, nail it. Give it some gas! We're flying!

The reason why my flight was delayed was that they were not able to shut the door of the aircraft. Well... that sounds like some pretty serious screw-up, especially if you consider the same aircraft had landed from another destination 10 mins back and was there for less than half an hour halt! What happened in those 10 mins? A door which was perfectly okay to stand the test at 31000 feet now seems to have failed at ground level! Interesting...

I wonder if there are keys to the plane? Do they need keys to start the plane? Maybe that's what those delays on the ground are sometimes. When you're just sitting there at the gate, maybe the pilot's just up there in the cockpit going "Oh, I don't believe this. Oh my god... I did it again." They tell you it's something mechanical, because they don't want to come on the PA system, "Ladies and gentlemen, we're going to be delayed here on the ground for a little while, I uh...Oh God, this is so embarrassing...I - I left the keys to the plane in my apartment." You see the technicians all running underneath the plane; you think they're servicing it, but they're actually looking for the magnet "hide-a-key" under the wing..."maybe he left it up there somewhere..."

Do you think that the people at the airport that run the stores have any idea what the prices are every place else in the world? Or do you think they just feel they have their own little country out there and they can charge anything they want? Now because of the "you-cant-carry-liquids" rule almost everyone is forced to buy water or water equivalent after the security check. The price of water makes feeling thirsty was a crime! You don't like it; go back to your own country. I think the whole airport airline complex is a huge scam just to sell the bottled water. I think that profit is what's supporting the whole air travel industry. I mean think about it; the terminals,the airplanes, it's all just a distraction so that you don't notice the beating that you're taking on the bottled water.

The seat which I got on the flight was, not unexpectedly, next to a guy who most definitely had a fish hook caught in his throat. For a solid 2 hours, he kept making that hauwking sound that you normally associate with the act of chucking up a big loogie, but - and here's the mystery - that's as far as he went.I can only pray that he was coming up dry, because the alternative is not something I wish to contemplate. The other wonderful thing about this flight was the 60-year old steward who somehow managed to be extremely chipper and upbeat at 4:30am. I wanted to kill him. He was clearly at the very pinnacle of a 2-case Red Bull bender. He was cracking extremely corny jokes to an audience of stone-faced killers (i.e., us).

He didn't understand that the reason nobody laughed is because
(a) he wasn't very funny,
(b) Hello? It was 4:30 am, and
(c) everyone on board was trying to figure out a way to shove his cheerful, shiny little head out one of those little round windows without depressurizing the cabin.

Here's an example: "As long as we're moving on the ground, you'll want to keep your seat belts fastened. While the guys up front are excellent pilots, I'm not sure how good they are at driving." "If you do leave something on the plane that is extremely valuable, don't worry. I'll turn it in for you. You can pick it up at Rico's Pawn shop, on the corner of West Avenue and Madison." You almost expected him to say, "Thank you. Thank you very much. I'm here all week, folks. Don't forget to tip your waitresses."

He made my bone marrow hurt. Perhaps it would have been mildy amusing if I had been wide awake and in a good mood, but when you're working on 4 hours sleep, no coffee and no breakfast it gets old really, really fast. Also keep in mind that I gave you his BEST material.

This was not exactly the end I was hoping for one of the best outings I had for a really long time but then I did need something to get me back to reality! Sigh... The vacation's over...

Cheers!

The Tipping Point

It just wasn't possible to continue that way... The object of my obsession and me were meant to be together.

This attaraction has been going on for months actually but I upgraded the rating to "obsession" only a few days back. But then as expected there was that usual dilemma involved. Should I, Shouldn't I? It may not be as complex as a NP-complete problem. Though that was how it seemd to me and I'm pretty sure I was making a big deal out of it. That seems to me like the most likely explanation.

But after days of pondering over it and waiting for the hypothetical "right" moment, I decided to do something which would've given me much needed peace of mind days ago. But then better late than never.

It's actually just part of a cycle. Only when my obsession overcame my reason was I well and truly able to give in to what I really wanted to do. Once I had decided my path I was actually looking forward to it. I wouldn't have enjoyed it if I would've given in before this threshold limit.

That's precisely the tipping point!

And then it arrived yesterday, my very own Xbox 360...

Cheers!

Stumped!

1. I don't know what meat milk is.

2. I don't want to know what meat milk is.

3. Having "no hormones" really does not make it sound any more enticing.

4. I would have thought that anything containing a mixture of meat and milk would pretty much have to be organic, but apparently I know nothing. I guess up until now, people have been drinking inorganic meat milk with hormones added because they didn't know any better.

5. A well-placed ampersand would make this sign so much less disturbing.

Cheers!

The child in Tamil Nadu

I dont have a problem with what people eat and even lesser issues with the quantity as long as I'm not made to eat that food or my appetite isn't measured against that measure of food. I'm not a rice eater. It's not like a rule but generally I prefer skipping rice or having it in rationed quantity.

But inspite of that the other day my plate was full of rice way beyond my capacity! I was as excited with the prospects of having to eat that much rice as probably anyone looking down the wrong end of the barrel. But I did manage to eat it somehow...

However that wasn't enough. My rice loving flat mates got into the argument how I eat less for some reason. It was in fact commented that "a kid in Tamil Nadu ate more rice than you (me)!!"

Now... if at all the kids in Tamil Nadu are eating that much rice there's something really wrong here. No wonder there is food shortage in our country and the people in the North are probably forced to eat wheat and other grains. And no, I for one dont believe it was a hyperbole because I've seen adults in Tamil Nadu eat rice and it's well within the reach of a kid in Tamil Nadu to beat me in a rice eating competition!

Somehow I'm not sad to lose this one...

Cheers!

Time to get Smart!

I cant imagine to what lengths over-zealous marketers can go to sell their products. I was at the convenience store last weekend and I found myself in the deodorant, anti-perspirant, perfume section. I do understand the problem that these guys must be facing in trying to differentiate their product out of around 500-odd of the similar type. But some offences are inexcusable!

I saw this Adidas deo which had something rather blasphemous written on it which seriously seriously bemused me.

It said "Smart ™ Technology -- Developed with Athletes"

First of all, I'm not exactly sure the no-stink stick can be smart. From what I can tell, it really has very little in the way of intelligence. It can't even automatically roll itself up a little bit when one is scraping armpit skin off on its hard plastic sides. And to add to the misery they actually have trademarked the word "smart?" I don't think many companies would risk being so intelligent anyways!

The bigger problem, of course, is that if some scientists set off to develop "smart technology" I would think one of the last groups of people they would go to would be athletes. Granted, they're probably better off going to athletes instead of actors, umm.... musicians maybe. But still -- As a whole, athletes are not generally known for their scientific prowess.

How would that development actually happen? Isn't it too much to expect? I bet this smart™ thing must've not even been able to get a single school kid to try out their ground breaking technology without paying them. So you can imagine what must be the case with pro-footballers or basketball players!

Unless ofcourse they got chess players to test it out... But I cant imagine them having so much of a sweat trouble by sitting in air conditioned hotels and moving nothing more than their eyeballs and hands.

Anyways... I compared it to another, non-smart deodorant nearby, and there really doesn't seem to be much difference.

I think that one might be more crafty than smart. Just in case you find it unbelievable that Adidas may have done something as stupid as this then have a look here.

Cheers!

Back to Blogging

Finally a post after a long time. It wasn't like I didn't have time to blog but more the case of I didn't feel like blogging. That's how the last month has been. It had everything from grief, shock to surprise and mad rush frenzy.

Without getting into the details since my privacy policy is quite clear... If you don't know... you don't need to ask! So really I just didn't feel like blogging in much the same vein as I usually do. I need a spcific state of mind to write! Ya... Too many hangups.

So this is just a post to declare... I would be blogging in much the same frequency as before & you can keep coming back to this blog with the hope of being entertained much as you were for the past 3 months or so...

Cheers!

Pissed Off...

I'm just sick & tired of it.

Why can't we have dry urinals? A urinal filled with a pool of unmentionables is in the top slot of things I hate the most.

No matter what time of the day it is toilets just seems like a pool of urine!

Things get progressively worse as the day goes on. It starts out at 9am as a spray mist, turns into a small puddle by 10, then turns into a sticky puddle from noon on. After that, you could probably scrape it up with a putty knife. I simply refuse to stand in it any longer.

Is it asking for too much from the plumbers to ensure that the outlet taps are not leaky? Is it asking too much from architects who're as human to put adequate thought into their design so as to avoid having people to be standing in filth?

This is the state of toilets in offices, movie halls and places which actually either have an attendant or do undergo inspection atleast in principle. These are supposed to be clean. These are supposed to be places which in one form or the other actually spend considerable amount on the cleanliness of the toilets! I'm not even getting into the state of the toilets on express-way or similar.

Since my market research project during my MBA was Observing condition of Public Toilets in the City, I have become over observant when it comes to these things and have studied this topic in great depth. Thank you, Mr. Godbole! All this standing in pee, quite ironically, leaves me pissed off!

Last week, I went to this Chinese place -- All Stir Fry, for dinner. There I found something which I hadn't seen anytime before.

It was a pee pad. I didn't know the commercial name for those things but that was what I preferred to call it. I am not really used to going to upscale restaurants, that was the first time I had ever seen one of these. Normally, the types of establishments that I frequent if the bathroom has any sort of pee pad it's entirely coincidental and consists mainly of a pile of soggy paper towels and someone's vomit-stained sweatshirt. At first, I wondered to whom the cleaning duties fell, because that seemed like something I would like to see my worst enemy do. Yeah! Sounds fun...

Then, because I don't want to mislead you all, I did some research. It turns out that they are disposable and contain "inner super absorbent Trilex 20™ fibers to catch drips and splashes." I don't know what that is, but it sounds very scientifically valid. Supposedly, "Once the mat reaches its saturation level, you simply throw it away and replace with another." I am not sure I want to know exactly how "saturation level" is determined. I can only hope there is an alarm of some sort that warns someone that saturation level is fast approaching -- preferably someone who knows how to deal with such things.

Otherwise, your single, errant pee drip could be the one that breaks the camel's back and releases a urinary flood of epic proportions.

I know I wouldn't want that on my conscience. Or my shoes.

Cheers!

You've gotta be kidding!

Like most of you I receive a lot of spam and really something should be done on the lines of the National Do Not Call Registry for telemarketers. Though I tend to ignore most spam but then there are some which scream out for your attention!

I received this unsolicited e-mail today. Since they saw fit to spam me, I see fit to ridicule them. This is a real certification, offered by a real IT security training company. They obviously did not consult with a PR firm or ad agency before coming up with their name for this certification. I am pretty sure that even if I had earned this cert I would not put it on my resume, unless I was looking for a job in the... entertainment industry!

Cheers!

Spider-Man... Me too!

A few days back in this post here I had blogged about the whole deal with this superhero business and in this post I had blogged about my favourite superhero, Spider-Man!

Now, I came across something here on the Discovery Channel website that has really got me all excited. Someone actually has done some research in designing the 'Spidey Suit' and though it's not possible to inculcate the superhuman qualities of the masked menace; It's definitely possible to have the suit made.

Ahem... I'm being tempted!

Cheers!

The Foodie

I went out for dinner the other day. A really sumptuous multi-course meal I might add. The bill arrived at the end of the dinner and it was as usual the hardest time for me. I believe they should bill us and collect the money as soon as we order, the McDonalds way. That way it's much more easier and willingly paid meal.

Till the time you're hungry and need to eat you're like George Bush hunting for Osama. I don't care about the price. I dont care if they over price me, if they cheat me. I just want maximum possible food in minimum possible time! That is quite clearly the attitude with which we're hunting down food.

We're so obsessed with food that one of the things that we hate is waiting for food. And the waiting time is directly proportional to how hungry you really are and inversely proportional to the time you have for lunch!
But once you're through with that assault it's an entirely new story altogether. You almost have an attack of selective amnesia and forget anything about ever being hungry. So if the guy in the table next to you orders something, you actually wonder how the hell can people eat so much!!

So... I-can-eat-a-human-alive to complete despise for any food in 20 mins flat!

You're full. No more space for even your favourite dish and are in a really great mood thanks to the food... and then comes the bill. Talk about anti-climax! Everyone is so flummoxed by this calamity that they actually start passing it around... unless ofcourse you're drunk which means there are quite a few guys desperate to show how gracious they are inspite of a complete absence of girls!

I had even come across some formula which was devised by some MIT graduate to predict the chances of an individual having to pay for food depending on the number people at the table and how to split up the bill in case everyone has had a different item on the menu of varying price ranges and some such stuff. This categorically proves that some people dont have much to do even at MIT and to lead a pointless, worthless existence has nothing to do with education!

Anyways... People do strange things when the food is free. Marriages, project parties, treats, etc etc... But the pinnacle of gluttony was achieved by one of my acquaintances who kept having meals every 2 hours on a flight journey half way across the world since his flight was hopping/ with stop overs. So he had something like 2 lunches, 3 dinners and other tit-bits during the course of his journey. Now that is improessive!

Cheers!

What did you do over the weekend?

One of the things that I hate about Monday is answering that question which everyone seems to be asking everyone else... What did you do over the weekend? What did you do over the weekend? Most of the times those who have actually had an exciting weekend (in relative terms) end up harassing the other majority who basically just saw 2 days go past!

I’ll tell you what I’ve been doing over the weekend… Nothing!

There should really some note put up that I'm in this state of weekend nothing-ness till the time I announce otherwise. But seriously speaking its not easy to do nothing... As good as impossible!

Well... I cannot do nothing over the weekend because in the process of doing nothing even if I do anything, it amounts to doing something which actually contradicts everything!

And even if I did anything which would sound as if I did something but in reality it was really nothing and that was the everything I did, I wouldn't share that with you because by knowing that there is actually someone who has done nothing would make you happy for something you did which was as good as nothing otherwise.

But what we fail to understand is that this nothing, something, anything are all relative entities whose definition depends on time and space. Today's something can be tomorrow's nothing and a nothing in one place can actually amount to something somewhere else & so on...

You guessed it right... Today I have nothing to do!

Cheers!

PDA

In office it's not rare to come across cubicles which are filled with family photos. Some of these pics are quite personal as well. All the hugging and cuddling. Wearing same coloured t-shirts on honeymoons, rowing a boat which can capsize any moment while you are trying to hold the oars in one hand, your wife in the other! I've never quite got the thought process that goes behind this kind of photo posting.

Is this the best way of making people uncomfortable and leave quickly when they're in your cubicle? Why not use the traditional way of just being rude!

If that isn't the reason then surely it's some kind of constant reminder that you have a family else who knows it might slip off your mind during work hours. So in a way it prevents you from doing something which... well you shouldn't be doing!

Recently I heard about a certain someone having posted her honeymoon pics on her Orkut profile. Someone else had posted "posed" couple pics on Orkut after his engagement. I don't know what to say... What a sad attempt to show that you're in love!! Yawn... Do they really think anyone cares! Such snaps are nothing more than the butt of every joke during reunions and phone calls.

There is only one thing that can be worse than seeing these special moments frozen on the 4x6 glossy paper - having to see these things... Live!

I feel like screaming out, "Please for heaven's sake... Leave the schmoopy-schmoochy, pinkoo-dinkoo and all the completely non-sensical baby-talk and this erotic show of caressing, kissing, touching, fiddling in your bloody bedroom. Don't behave as if you're Adam and Eve and there is no one around to see this freak show other than the trees in paradise!!"

Is this some testament to the fact that you're a happy couple?

I'm not a moral police. I don't have any complaints against those sitting on the Bandra BandStand under umbrellas and doing what pleases them. That's like a nationally recognized adda for doing stuff you can't do in your home because of whatever reasons. People know what to expect at such places. They have been fore-warned. But if they still pay no heed to the warning and end up witnessing such things then it's their fault. That case is significantly different from the one I'm focusing on.

It's those who are in this "excited" state all the time and choose to misbehave in public. They cause considerable mental anguish to innocent by-standers, at least expected places like restaurants, coffee shops, lectures, office, phone booths, public transports etc.

I sincerely believe that these miscreants should be recommended to psychiatric help. With the advance in modern medicine such abnormalities are curable. But till that happens I got just two words for them... "Getta room!"

Cheers!

Clucked Clunked Clinked

It's been decided that the mechanical meters that have been donned by taxis and rickshaws since the time Nehru was the PM are to be phased out. I believe the main reason why the meters have not been replaced till now is quite basic and has a lot to do with human psychology.

When you sit in the taxi and the taxi driver extends his arm out of the window turns the meter thru 3 slots and brings it in the meter down position with that distinct clickud-clickud-clickud. That's what sets up the ride. That's when you feel... Oh yeah! I have hired this thing and now this machine runs as per my orders! It's just not the same when you have those push-button meters! You dont feel the same way. I'm saying this from personal experience.

Our life is almost filled with such instances where these weird and in most cases unnecessary mechanical sounds make us arrive at some seemingly logical conclusions to convince ourselves. Here's another example to prove my point!

ATMs. Have you noticed the sound that they make before they dispense the cash? Is that a really necessary thing? I mean... the modern day financial institutions have technology to transfer money from Bangalore to Glasgow via Brisbane in a matter of seconds and they cant make silent ATMs??

But it's again the thoughts that the person standing in front of the ATM has that have led to this in a way inefficient design. When the machine is making all those weird noises you just feel somoething is happening. The thud-thud-thud-thud noise goes a long way in convincing that now it's counting MY money! It just somehow makes you believe that you've got such a lot of money in your account that it actually takes time to count it.

Give me a break. What machine counts thud-thud-thud-thud.

But the banks have gone out of the way to think about their customers here. They dont want people standing in front of those machines like idiots & having some serious doubts about what is going on inside or is the machine even working. All the theatrics is like a big show that is put up especially for your entertainment and to ensure that you have that MY-money-takes-time-to-count feeling!

I wonder why this keyboard is creating such a racket. No complaints actually! It's really doing a good job of convincing those around that I'm doing some really important work... Hmmmm...

Cheers!

The Perfect Gift

What makes this entire gifting thing tough are the multiple aspects involved. A gift basically signifies to a person that you've invested time and thought to make the occasion special or that you're as happy in his achievement or... well you get the idea.

The value of any gift is overwhelmingly dependent on the nature of the relationship between gifter and giftee. It has to be a fine balance between something that shows how much you value a person, something that finds value/utility in his life and something that shows the material-value you're ready to spend for that person. It's very rare that people achieve this trinity!

So to make life simpler, we think of all the pseudo gifts. I believe pseudo gifts are something which say... I was so busy with my own life that I couldn't give enough thought to your gift so here I am gifting this 'thing' to you which is as useless to you as it would've been to me had anyone else given it to me!!

The favourite pseudo gift is a bouquet but for me they're really are a turn-off. Firstly, I'm not someone who really likes flowers, mainly because of the state in which they are the next day. So to prevent myself from being subjected to that dreadful sight I would rather prefer a dumb gift like a paperweight and this rule is applicable both ways!

I've been gifted in cash only by those close relatives who were incapable of connecting with me or understanding my choices or the reason behind them. So there are very few such relationships for which a cash gift is appropriate.

However, lot of time the attempt to hit the recipients’ preferences is so bad that it is likely that the gift will leave the recipient worse off than if he/she had made her own consumption choice with an equal amount of cash. Its not hard to guess that gift-giving actually destroys the value of gifts.

Gift certificates seem like a golden mean between avoiding a bad gift or a cash gift. They're in a way the perfect substitute for an item that you would've bought from that shop but I think they hold a hidden meaning. It's something like I wanted to give you something from that store but my budget was way too short of anything good. Besides, it wasn't really worth spending too much time thinking however instead of making you think I'm giving you cash, I've given you this gift certificate which would attribute the store brand to my in other ways empty gift! Not surprisingly most gift certificates go unused.

Ideally, you’d want to gift something the giftee might like but doesn’t know about, or some kind of guilty pleasure that he wouldn’t buy for himself. In either case, you are creating value for the recipient by giving him something that is actually worth more to him than the money you spent on it.

I must confess I'm not that good at gifting but I do traverse the oft-travelled road of trial and error. Though, The Perfect Gift may still remain a hypothetical concept since I've never been-there-done-that, a conversation with a friend concerning gifting a XBox 360 made me realise that it does exists. Hmmmm... Xbox 360... What could be more perfect...

Cheers!